Maternally Grateful

Life As We Know It

2011-07-18T21:57:00.003-04:00

We've moved, we've grown, we've neglected the blog... I was reminded today of how important it is to chronicle the little important things that happen in the everyday of being a mother. Kids' abilities are cumulative so that eventually only their present reality is what we can recall... This means that I won't remember that little moment when he was two because the same kind of moment at age four is now my most recent recollection of that experience. It's the thing that makes me gasp when I look at a home movie and see just how little Lucie was or just how funny Jonah's phrasing was- I don't remember it being that way because they are now still themselves. And so I am back to put more of it into words for myself for later, and for grins for now.

Lucie turns two at the end of the week. Obviously she has changed tremendously; is there a time in one's life when you change more? She's nearly quadrupled in weight since birth and has grown about 15 inches in height. She's talking in complete sentences and can climb the stairs and jump from a stool and sing a song. What has not changed, however, is her unconditional love for her big brother, her joyful demeanor, her cute smile (although it is toothy now), and the charming and crazy way that she moves through the world.

Jonah will be five this fall. The move was as hard for him as it was for me-- we moved in December after getting acclimated to a new school year at his preschool and a new routine. He left all he's ever known, I left all I'd ever known as a mother. We're both sensitive to change and it has taken us awhile, complete with ups and downs, the confusion of new friendships, and the blahs of missing a former piece of life. He's learning so much and takes on new obsessions, absorbing what he wants to like a sponge. He's more physical than ever and disciplining him has been an evolving process in which I often feel two steps behind.

I am doing fine. Fine is a boring word but a good one for now, since I am not always thrilled with our decision to move only 45 minutes away but to a different world in so many ways. My life has changed alot and not all for the better. I'm very grateful for where I am and who I have met and for my life here, but there are some wonderful things that I left behind in our old town, too. Making friends has proven more difficult than I had anticipated since I feel like such an outsider and long for "people like me." I know that it will take some time and that so much of this experience is really just how I frame it, but in the day to day, it's sometimes hard to make the time to do what would be best for my evolution in this new place.

For now I leave you with this; I will be back soon with photographic evidence. Thanks for coming back.

Quick Fings

2009-11-30T19:22:00.004-05:00

Just a couple of quick things (or "quick fings" as my firstborn says). Jonah has been really letting the cuteness fly these days. With a greater grasp of language comes the opportunity to share his most important deep thoughts and reveal the inner workings of that little, growing mind. I need to start carrying a notebook around with me to jot his musings down because they're priceless and then the moment has passed and I have to change a diaper and I have already forgotten. So here's my sharing of the utter cuteness I would like to remember.

Today the Santa hat came out. "Do I look handsome?" he asked seriously of his father and me. Oh, my, did he look handsome. Or cute, really; he looks good in red. The hat made several appearances during our quiet, rainy day at home, and I got that question a few more times.

At dinner, Jonah looked in earnest at his dad and asked us, "Why is your head not on your shirt?" It took us a couple of minutes to discern the true meaning of this question, but the giveaway was that Jesse was holding four-month-old-without-much-neck Lucie. Jonah can touch his chin quickly and easily to his chest, but was interested in the length of Jesse's neck and why his head is so much higher. So, then, he surmised, as an adult, his head my not be on his shirt either. His neck will grow, too.

Moments later Jonah asked me, "Mom, will you be here when I'm a dult?" I nearly began to cry. Yes, dear son, God-willing I will be here for every moment until you are an adult and well beyond. And yes, my sweet, inquisitive boy, Daddy will, too.

A Little About Lucie

2009-10-23T20:37:00.007-04:00

My darling daughter is three months old today. Three whole months ago I welcomed Lucie into my life after a gratifying, natural, drug-free birth, uncertain about what she would be called and doubly so of who she was. She was covered in vernix and cried right from the start. We noticed that, despite her size, she had dainty, feminine (if big) hands, long fingers and nail beds, and a girlish little mouth. A girl. She had a tuft of dark hair on the back of her head where Jonah had not, the rest of both of their heads covered in a thin, close layer of dark baby hair. Right away I knew I loved her, and that fact and feeling has only grown stronger with each day. Lucie is an amazing baby and exactly what I had hoped for.
My pregnancy did have its challenges. Nausea gave way to heartburn and round ligament pain, emotions ran high the entire 40 weeks, and my energy was zero for half of every day. I just kept hoping that I'd have a baby that would be easier on the outside than on the inside. I knew I could keep up with round the clock feedings, but constant crying or incessant fussy wakefulness was what I was dreading. Dear reader, Lucie is no fussy baby.

She fussed when she was hungry, of course, rooting like crazy and even leaving hickies on Jesse's shoulder, my bicep, and her own wrist when I didn't get to her fast enough. She also had a part of the evening that was inherently noisy and all about bouncing and nursing and swaying and praying that she would relax and sleep. I'm told most babies have trouble with this time of night and I never thought that this behavior reflected who Lucie really was. The other challenge in those early weeks (and up until last week, really) was that her "bedtime" was around 11pm most nights. We also had a bit trouble getting our nursing relationship going smoothly. Lucie eats voraciously but had a lazy latch to start and a sensitive gag reflex actually caused her to vomit several times. Not just spit up (she does plenty of that, too) but actual puke. It's pretty scary watching your two-week-old projectile vomit on you. Just a bump in the road, though. She's gaining weight and hasn't done this frequently lately, thank goodness.
From day one I was impressed by her relaxed manner when we changed her diaper; with Jonah it was a constant struggle to keep him from turning purple with rage EVERY TIME WE CHANGED HIM. Lucie would literally fall asleep on the changing table mid-change. She's done her share of peeing and pooping while diaperless on the changing table which lengthens considerably the period of time it takes to change her, yet she remained peaceful and sleepy during nearly every change. I can't tell you how surprised this all made me after the fits that Jonah had every time we took off his diaper.

From the very, very beginning, Lucie has shown us that she knows how to sleep. Oh, yeah, baby, I got a SLEEPER!!! Jonah didn't sleep well until about 20 months. I'm not kidding. Lucie has slept GREAT every night since birth. There were a few nights during the first few weeks that I was a little concerned because we were up late with her, but she never confused day and night, she always settled quickly after a feeding, and really never even woke up crying in the night. She "snuffles;" grunting and rooting and basically just letting me know that if I would like to feed her, she'd be willing to suck. The big news is that she sleeps through the night and has for quite some time. Maybe eight weeks old? Can't recall exactly but from a month old she was sleeping for over 5 hours during the first stretch, and at about 10 weeks she starting sleeping 8 hours at a stretch. Pretty friggin' awesome, if I may be so bold to say so. Any parent knows that that is what you're rooting for. The progress continued: this week Lucie's bedtime moved to within the eight o'clock hour and she sleeps up to ten hours. Poor little girl has a cold this week so she having a little trouble, but I think we're pretty lucky.
It gets better. This girl has the most distinct cries. Lucie has a particular cry for being hungry and an undeniably clear tired cry. The tired cry is my favorite because Lucie will actually put herself to sleep if you lay her in her bassinet awake. This is SOOOO foreign to me and I'm trying to cultivate this awareness of how to put herself to sleep. The idea that I can avoid the battle of nursing a baby down, carefully waiting until exactly the right moment to transfer her to her bed and then try really hard not to make a sound as I leave is really appealing to me. I currently nurse her or bounce her a bit if she's already nursed, wrap her arms in a loose swaddle, lay her down on her back in her bed, rub her tummy and say a few quiet words, and then stand by quietly (or leave the room and come back to check her progress). Lucie starts in on her little whiny cry, closing her eyes and squirming a little. It sounds like the letter "i" or "why-y-y-y" and is just a plaintive vocalization, not a hysterical tear-filled cry. It's amazing. I feel no guilt listening to her, I don't wonder if I should pick her up. I just let her do it and then she's asleep.

What a smiler this baby is! Lucie started smiling at about six weeks and hasn't stopped! She has this coy turn of the head that she reserves for big smiles exchanged with her dad and me. It's beautiful. That toothless, full-cheeked grin just melts me. Her eyes, which are already a very dark color, not quite brown yet but heading that way, crinkle up and are quite expressive. We haven't heard laughs yet, but I think we're getting close.
We are so thrilled to have welcomed such a sweet, chubby, lovely little girl into our lives. I can't wait to see what she shows us next, because it just keeps getting better.

Well, Of Course She Has Arrived...

2009-10-11T20:36:00.006-04:00

Lucie June Remignanti

was born July 23, 2009 at 1:46 AM
after a beautiful, calm, challenging, natural birth
She measured 9lbs 3oz and 22 1/4 inches
(certainly no tiny babe)

We came home from the hospital the morning after she was born and I recovered quite well, and having no stitches helped (yes, you can have a nine pound baby naturally and not tear; don't let anyone tell you otherwise). Lucie is smiley and sweet and lives up to the meaning of her name as she is full of light.
I have had these eleven weeks to think about what I would post when I finally got back around to blogging, and I'm sorry, but yes, that's the best I can do! At least I'm here, right? It's so daunting when you only have 20 minutes of peace and quiet to do what you want to do and there are 500 household tasks screaming at you to be done. That is basically how life has been; I'm constantly doing something that must be done, and am flat out exhausted by it all.

Jonah, our proud big brother, has ceased napping on most days. This means that from before seven in the morning until after seven in the evening, I am on full-out Mama duty and by the time that's over, Lucie usually needs to nurse for about three hours before settling for the night. It's a long day.

I'm elated and softened by my daughter's presence in my life. She's an absolute dream of a baby and sleeps well. That said, being a mother of two is darn hard work. It's a juggling act, an emotional roller coaster, and just tiring. Hopefully I can go into more detail about all of this and not vanish for another three months... for my sake and for the sake of anyone who mothers or will someday mother.
For now, I'm going to sign off and try to get some photos up so that this is actually updated. Thanks for visiting.

Any day?

2009-07-13T15:01:00.003-04:00

This will be a short one because honestly, I should be napping while I have the chance. I'm so tired that I started to fall asleep while Jonah was playing with his matchbox cars just two feet away, his dialog between cars lulling me off to sleep like it was white noise.

I've reached that point in my pregnancy where everyone says, "Oh, when are you due, again? Any day now, right?!" This is mostly because I'm so damned horizontal and big, but also because to some, I've been pregnant, LIKE, FOREVER. I let them think whatever they want, sometimes reminding people that my due date is at the end of the month, sometimes just chuckling, and overall, it doesn't irritate me. After all, it COULD be any day. Or it could be twenty more.

I had hoped to never be one of those women who was just DONE being pregnant. I hoped that I'd enjoy the final weeks, my round, ripe belly, and just living in the moment without anticipating what might happen tonight, tomorrow, this weekend. I hoped to never be so sick of this pregnant body that I just wanted the baby OUT. Well, unfortunately I've been struggling with these feelings for weeks. With Jonah I was comfortable for a long, long time. I tried to be a little vague about my due date so that people wouldn't look surprised when I walked into a room still pregnant. I accepted that while my due date was November 7, my baby might not be ready until November 21. I went for long walks at 38 weeks, waddling all the way. This time, friends, there has been no such acceptance. I've thought from the beginning that she'd be born a tad early, and I've never let myself think that I'd be pregnant in August. Logically I know it could happen, for sure, but for self-preservation in this moment, I consider myself done by August 1 at the latest. I could be creating drama for myself there, I realize, but if that's the case, I'll deal.

This weekend I was in a significant amount of pain and made two calls to my doula and one to my midwifery office. Nothing alarming, just round ligament pain and inner thigh pain and lower back pain and sometimes a little abdominal pain thrown in just for fun and confusion's sake. By day's end on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I could barely walk. I was so confused by it the first night and wondered if this could be some indication that labor was imminent. By Sunday I realized that labor was still far off and I just had to take it REALLY easy if I wanted to be able to be on my feet by 6pm. It was this stabbing, coming and going, can-never-get-comfortable, consistently miserable but inconsistently occuring brand of lower midsection pain. Tylenol actually helped some of it, and anyone with a toddler knows that you need a good deal of help if you really are trying to stay seated or lying down for much of the day. Poor Jesse did his best to be super-Dad and take care of things around the house. He was awesomely helpful and understanding, and it seems to have worked because today? NOTHING. NO PAIN AT ALL. Nowhere.

I was told that it generally doesn't really go away, this series of pains, in late pregnancy. You just deal with it and try to mitigate it and then it's gone when the baby's born. Oh great, ANOTHER REASON TO WISH HER HERE NOW INSTEAD OF IN TWO WEEKS. I really had no idea how I would continue to function as a mom if I felt like that all week while Jesse was at work. Thankfully, it seems that isn't the case. At least not today.

I really want my baby to stay in my belly for as long as she needs to in order to get nice and chubby and work on her little brain in peace. I honestly don't want her out right this second. It will be amazing to hold our baby and incredible to see her face, but not if it's not time. I want my body to do what it needs to do to prepare for labor and birth. I want a little more time in my family of three. I'll wait. The tricky part is coping with these last days where pregnancy itself is just a challenging physical obstacle instead of a miraculous, beautiful gift. I guess it's really both. And it's here at least for today.

36 Weeks

2009-07-07T14:21:00.005-04:00

Hello Blog. I've been thinking about you and have plenty to say, but my pregnancy brain is having trouble firing synapses in the right order to get things done. I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and I'll be meeting my baby girl quite soon, but still sometimes it feels like I have to wait sooo long!

I have a cold and it's really hitting me hard. Lots of sniffling and waking in the night for about twelve reasons, which makes it hard to get better. The weather has been on my side in that it's been really cool for summer and pretty rainy, so I've been more comfortable than I thought I would be at this point. Here's me today, with my tissues and my gigantic belly.
In other news, Jonah is a challenge and a total pleasure in turns. His hair is soooo long and I just can't get myself to go and get it cut again, but it needs to be done. It's crazy cute but really a bit out of control, or about to be. He's talking and pretending and telling stories and even having dreams that he wakes up and thinks were real. It is truly amazing to hear him come up with something completely on his own from his experiences and vocabulary. Also, the will of this child is nothing to be taken lightly, so we're pretty exhausted by day's end. I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's my boy looking pretty serious.
And then, not so serious with Big George and Little George, both in diapers.

The Brook

2009-06-16T14:49:00.003-04:00

I seem to easily forget how much simple pleasures thrill toddlers. Jonah asked me today to go see the "appointment water" and I considered what that might mean for a minute before asking, "do you mean the little brook that runs in front of the midwives' office?" Jackpot. That was indeed what Jonah meant. I quickly realized that I had something even better to offer: the same brook leads through a modest park which abuts the police station in town. Water AND police cars! Hurray!

Jonah had asked me a couple of weeks ago where the police cars live. We pass the fire station often but the police station in town is much easier to miss and passed less frequently. We've sat in the ladder truck at our local fire station and Jonah always notices when their garage doors are open. But where do all those police cars go when they aren't driving around?

The "appointment water" runs under a little bridge that connects the sidewalk to the entry of the medical building where I go for my prenatal appointments. You can't get close to the water, though; there is a little fence along the brook with bushes between it and the water. It isn't all that exciting because if you're only 37 inches tall, as one of us is, you can only peek at it through the bushes.

This newly discovered location was exactly what Jonah was looking for. We walked around outside the police station where there were about ten police vehicles, a couple of officers, some open garage doors to see inside the station ("Look, police motorcycles and bikes! And a Rescue Truck!") and even a K-9 dog that barked in one car when we got close. Then we went to see the brook.

This park is pretty neglected; there are benches but they're surrounded by overgrown weeds and it's not very tidy. There is the absence of much trash or broken glass though, and I imagine that that is mostly due to its proximity to the police station. The brook is a bit dirty as are most waterways in our semi-urban environment, and about 15 feet across. We walked along the shady path and found a spot where the water was rushing slightly and we could get close to the water. Jonah loves to throw things into the water (who doesn't?) so I found a stash of twigs and broke them into little pieces and he tossed them in, one by one. We watched the current take them away and listened to the bubbling of the brook. There was a man-made falls up the brook that we could hear, and it drowned out the incessant traffic noise.

We tried throwing some rocks in and noticed how they sink, but the sticks float. Jonah was so happy and content, and so was I. I love times like that, where we're getting along beautifully, both doing what we want to be doing, learning and teaching, playing and observing. He told me he likes the brook, and we talked about how it's different than a pond and smaller than a river. We went to see where it goes under the road, and said goodbye.

I drove home hoping that Jonah would fall asleep since he'd been fighting his nap for over an hour. He didn't, and I unloaded the car and went back to get him out of his seat. I stuck my head in and kissed his cheek as he sat in his car seat. He hugged my head to his chest gently, let me kiss him on the head and cheek, and then looked at me, stroking my hair. "You're a good Mama," he said, "Thank you for taking me to the brook." "You're welcome, Jonah. You're a good Jonah." He went on. "Thank you for taking me to the police station." I nearly started crying. "I love you, Mama." Oh, the way my heart sings when he shows me this kind of unprompted love. It's amazing. He snuggled my head for another minute before I brought him inside. I cannot believe how happy the whole sequence made me. A blissful hour in the land of mothering.

I really needed that boost; I've been really anxious about various areas of my life and losing my temper faster than normal. I'm feeling a little angry and quite frustrated with my current position of being a patient instead of a pregnant mother. That's a story for another day, but let's just say that being told that I'm a good mama was exactly what I needed. Please remind me, when things are unraveling, that those simple pleasures also revive ME, not just my two-and-a-half-year old little boy. My good Jonah.

Not Being Heard

2009-06-09T15:05:00.005-04:00

Dear Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance Grievance and Appeals Department Guy,

I spoke to you today about requesting coverage for a Birth Doula for my upcoming hospital birth. You told me it was not a covered service or a covered provider, primarily because it is not a medical service. I tried to point out that $1000 in doula fees versus $40,000+ in reimbursement to the hospital for an elective cesarean section and the required four day hospital fee is surely a cost-cutting measure. Surely you wouldn't see a laboring woman in a hospital and say that her choice of pain relief and support is not medical.

I hope that, when you're ready to have children, the mother of your children has Blue Cross Blue Sheild HMO and wants a homebirth, a doula, a lactation consultant, a prenatal massage, postpartum massage, prenatal yoga classes, and acupuncture to relief her nausea, sciatica, and other ills during pregnancy and after the baby arrives. I hope you recognize then how ridiculous it is for your company to refuse $1000 for labor support and how frustrating it is to pay out of pocket for everything natural that makes a pregnant woman feel healthy, normal, natural, and safe.

Sincerely,
Ashley Remignanti
Who is appealing your rejected appeal tomorrow.

Lovebirds and Bird Love

2009-06-08T15:18:00.007-04:00

This weekend was a busy one for our family. Saturday came with plans for a wedding near enough to my parents' house to head up for the night with Jonah and leave him with my parents while we partied with the bride and groom. This meant that Mimi got tons of one-on-one time with Jonah since Poppy's traveling (having a blast, I'm sure!) and Jesse and I had some time to enjoy what really became 8 child-free hours with some old friends. One fortunate side-effect of marrying someone from my own home town is that we were able to engage equally with the guests that we've known for 20 years. Also, the groom was friends with BOTH of us so we both cared enough to be there instead of one person heading for the door or being bored at the table while the other chats it up like the mayor or dances to Beyonce' with his/her friends.

Jonah and Mimi had great adventures that I can hardly recount well because I wasn't there. Maybe Mimi will start a blog someday and tell you all about the town trucks that they saw up close and personal and the two playgrounds they visited. One thing I can tell you is that on my parents' deck there is a robin who has made her nest right next to the house on one of Mom's planters. Saturday we found that one of her eggs had hatched, and by the time we left on Sunday, all four babies were hatched. I took this fuzzy picture through the window so as not to bother them, but it was so amazing to see that proud Mama Robin so close and see her teensy little baby birds hatch!
At the wedding I found myself, not surprisingly, the most pregnant person in a room of 200 or so, which is actually not common. I'm usually flanked by at least one other mom friend who's also quite pregnant and also has a toddler, so I don't feel so gigantic. I find it interesting that at age thirty, I am so far ahead of many of my peers in the marriage-and-children department. This was especially evident at the wedding. One other woman was hardly-noticeable-second-trimester-with-first-baby pregnant, but only one other peer that we spoke to had a child. Several half-drunk inquiries about my belly were made, along with some unsolicited advice, but on the whole it was a fine evening among the childless. I had a great time catching up with some high school acquaintances and eating delicious food. The bride and groom were happy and adorable and that's what it's all about.

Our big day out was Sunday, when we ventured out to a local, smallish zoo with Mimi. I wasn't sure what to expect from Jonah but figured we'd follow his lead. This is easier said than done. Let me first say that in order to go anywhere REMOTELY exciting without being badgered about it constantly up until leaving, we now don't tell Jonah that we're going anywhere until RIGHT BEFORE HE PUTS ON HIS SHOES. Otherwise the diaper doesn't get changed, the snacks don't get packed, and he doesn't play. Instead, every five minutes for two hours he says, "I want to go to the zoo NOW!" and fights everything that needs to happen so that we might go to the zoo. We learned our lesson, finally.
The first hour of the zoo was pretty frustrating. Jonah wanted to be carried, didn't care much about what he was seeing, and thought the little remote control boats were more interesting than the lemurs (not surprising, but hey, it's a zoo!). We found the duck pond and that held his attention. We bought some duck food pellets for a quarter and Jonah threw them into the pond one by one, where they were eagerly gobbled up by ducks and ducklings. The ducklings were particularly cute, and there were so many! They had to belong to different mommies because there were so many and their sizes varied so much. Jonah loved feeding and watching them and seems to truly love of birds of all kinds from one farm/zoo/park to the next.
Eventually we tried to move on because we were barely into the zoo. There was a lion, tiger, kangaroo, goats, a butterfly house, and more monkeys to see, after all! Well, my friends, that did not go over well. Jonah fought and whined about the ducks and how much he wanted to just feed the ducks. He barely glanced at the capybaras and the monkeys. He wanted to see the goats but still whined. He didn't care AT ALL about the lion or the tiger. You never ever know what you're going to get when you take a toddler on a child-specific outing. Sometimes they just want to feed the ducks, no matter how exotic the other animals are.
Finally he relaxed a bit and saw a peacock show its plumage and the prairie dogs being really cute, but then it was back to the ducks. After we "ran out of money" we moved on to the butterfly house and to see the Vietnamese Pot-bellied Piglets, and then we called it a day. All in all, I wouldn't do it again. I'll take him to the duck pond with a box of stale Cheerios and skip the crowds and the expense of the zoo. Kid loves a bird.

After a lovely visit with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Jake and a bit of garden-watering with Mimi and Uncle Tristan, we packed up the car and set off for home. By this point Jonah was exceptionally tired and snacked on the last of his raisins before sticking the box in his mouth, gazing out the window, and eventually falling asleep with the box STILL firmly planted in his teeth. Needless to say, Jonah slept VERY well last night.

Cuteness Reigns

2009-05-31T21:28:00.005-04:00

Just a few notes on how cute my son is. No, I'm not kidding.

First of all, he's currently sleeping in his "Big Boy Bed." We've been talking about transitioning him eventually, but we're in no hurry for the crib since the new baby will sleep in a co-sleeper bassinet in our room for the first couple of months (at least- Jonah was in it until 4 or 5 months). I just wanted the transition to happen easily, and if it was before the baby arrived, great. His room is upstairs and ours is downstairs, which means that there needs to be a hardware gate at the top and childproofing in his room before we're comfortable with him being up there at night with the ability to roam. We found a toddler bed on Craig's List yesterday and he was all excited about it so it's currently in a temporary spot in his room. Eventually we want to make him a "Big Boy Room" in the next room and move the bed and some other things in there, but for now, if it's working, then that's great. We'll see if he falls out. Or wakes up screaming for us.

Next, today Jonah asked me to give him a raspberry on his stomach, which has happened a few times. I never taught him it was called that, so he just asks me "Mama, you do this (blows raspberry in air) on me?" whilst lifting his shirt to reveal his cute little navel. So I taught him what it was called, did it a few times which of course resulted in fits of giggles, and then he asked to do it to me. MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT MY BELLY IS HUGE?! He was very into it and actually made some great sounds, giggled a ton, called it a "blueberry" and then a "blackberry" and it was just generally the funniest thing that's happened in awhile.

This morning Jesse pulled out his acoustic guitar and played a familiar song or two, but Jonah immediately started begging him to get his green guitar and then his black guitar and then he got his own guitars. With five guitars between them, Jonah and Jesse laid them out to Jonah's satisfaction on the couch. He was very pleased with himself. Jesse just wanted to play a song all the way through without being bossed around by someone three feet tall. Can't say I blame him.

We bought Jonah new rain boots today. I bought his current shoe size but they're ROOMY. Plus they're about knee-height on him, which looks quite amusing for his size. Today it rained, so we put on his new red wellies and hit the puddles. The look of that child, wearing shorts that came to his knee and boots that met the shorts, waddling around awkwardly was enough to stop several neighbors in their tracks. "Nice boots!" They called. Yeah, we thought so. Great for mud puddles.

And one more thing, just for posterity: Jonah talks about how his baby sister is going to grow and grow like a big boy just like him. Today he said that she would play basketball with him. He also said that she would wear his old rain boots when we explained that they were now too small for him. The baby sister stuff comes from him, out of his own thoughts, which is really special to me. He already thinks of her and the place she'll have in his life, even if he doesn't really get it and it is actually going to be quite different. It's sweet.

A Sigh of Relief

2009-05-29T20:32:00.002-04:00

Today was the polar opposite of yesterday. That, my friends, is a very, very good thing.

We had a little bit of a rough start if you count the disrupted night's sleep where Jonah was up for an hour in the middle of the night and Jesse spent the night sleeping in the bed in his room (the guest bed that we don't use for guests, that is). Luckily my pregnant state trumped Jesse's general tiredness and I was able to win the sleep-in status, so I didn't come out of the night overly tired.

Our pace was slow as we got ready, because today was our follow-up ultrasound with the perinatologist to check-in on the two-vessel cord. They need to check her growth periodically during the late stages of pregnancy to be sure that she isn't "small for gestational age" (meaning bone size, etc, not chubbiness) which can sometimes happen with two-vessel cord babies. Jesse decided he wouldn't even bother going to work in the morning because he'd just turn around and come back to go to the appointment, so we took turns playing with Jonah and getting ready, which made Jonah really happy. He's thriving on serious, undivided, one-on-one attention these days.

My dad was kind enough to make the 75 minute drive to watch Jonah while Jesse and I went to the hospital. Jonah is obsessed with all four of his grandparents and was so happy to be playing with his Poppy that he didn't care that we were leaving. His behavior and eating and everything had been great so far so I wasn't worried, either.

Walking into the hospital in the drizzly weather, I turned to Jesse and said, "You know, this feels like a date." The funny thing is that he agreed. We're so lame; we never go out, we never hire a sitter, we just hang out and wonder why life doesn't feel very exciting or we never feel like we have a break. So just walking somewhere without Jonah together, even a hospital, feels like a special day.

Our ultrasound was very quick. Measure the head, measure the femur, take a view of the four-chamber heart, look at her stomach, measure my amniotic fluid levels, estimate her weight. Boom, boom, boom, done. The technician was really nice, and the same person we saw before. The perinatologist came in next and was pretty brief: She looks great, her size is great, they just need to make sure in four weeks that she remains on this same growth trajectory, so they'll have me come in again and do the same thing. As one friend said after her fetal survey ultrasound, "I never get tired of hearing how normal everything is. You can't say that word enough!"

I had a little twinge realizing that IF things don't look great in another four weeks, they'll start to talk about "when to deliver the baby." EW. I don't want induction, I don't want to have an ultrasound that ends with a conversation about why she'll be better off out than in. I truly don't think it will come to that, but wow, I am so sensitive to someone telling me that there's ANY CHANCE AT ALL that things won't occur naturally. For now, however, we just wait and let her grow and see what she looks like four weeks from now.

Back at home Jonah and his grandfather were having a ball and barely noticed our return. Jonah was laughing HYSTERICALLY at some game my dad was playing with Jesse's old Simpsons figures and a pillow. I haven't heard him laugh that hard and loud in awhile. He went down for his nap smoothly (in the car) after the Jesse and Poppy drove off to work and home respectively. Yesterday he would have thrown a fit when they left, but today he was fine. He had a solid nap, woke up happy, had a snack, and we played outside until Jesse came home.

A totally different day. One of those days that keeps me going. Both my children are doing fine. One of them gave me kisses and ate his dinner, the other looks great, kicks strongly, and is as healthy as she should be. And now, to celebrate, I'm going to have ice cream. :)

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

2009-05-28T14:20:00.005-04:00

I'm going to complain for a minute. You've heard it before; it's about how difficult a two-and-a-half-year-old child can be. If you hate this kind of post, skip it. I don't care; I'm still going to do it because I'm hating our daily grind right now. Jonah and battle over every transition of the day, with several others sprinkled in just because HE HASN'T BEEN CRANKY AND DIFFICULT ENOUGH. Every diaper change starts with warnings, toy selection, another warning, the choice of coming to lie down with dignity or having me wrangle him into the appropriate position, and then several admonishments not to kick, scream, or run away naked. Getting dressed is often a challenge, and yesterday I felt victorious because he'd gotten dressed without fuss, not caring that he had chosen two different socks. Brown and blue, if you're interested.

Each time we leave the house he TELLS me which shoes he's wearing. Most of the time he REALLY cares. Doesn't matter much to me unless it's 90 degrees out and he still wants socks and black leather shoes that I have to tie instead of his sandals. Coming inside I have to coax him up the stairs and into our apartment. Yesterday we left playgroup quite early because he couldn't pull it together enough to make it 5 minutes without me getting up to redirect his behavior, from toy-grabbing to screaming to door-slamming to hitting. It was quite a scene. Mealtimes and snacks usually begin with "Mama, I please have a prune, an apricot, some raisins and pretzels and orange juice?" No joke, the child is OBSESSED with dried fruit. Anything else I get into him is almost accidental.

Our current down-for-nap routine involves, since weaning, a drive or stroll until he falls asleep (usually, if driving, about 6 minutes before he's out). We have to listen to the Beatles' Please Please Me, but it needs to be track one, "I Saw Her Standing There" or there's hell to pay. Thank goodness he transfers well from car to bed or else I would have to find something else completely. Getting him into the car ranges from slightly tiresome to extremely aggravating depending on how tired he is when we start getting ready to go.

This is, ladies and gentlemen, a very difficult stage. It's all age-appropriate and I understand that he's testing me and our boundaries and exerting his independence and that's all good. I know to choose my battles. I DO, I swear. When it's every day, all day, this behavior makes me want to run away. I'm not my best and most patient self at the moment, and it will probably get worse for several weeks. Today I'm feeling like I need a great babysitter a morning or two a week, a day and night away to recharge, and reassurance that this child is not always going to be so hard to manage. Specifically that in approximately 8 weeks he's going to be past most of this and the fruits of my diligent discipline will come to bear, revealing a kinder, gentler, more tolerable Jonah. Just in time for regression from the birth of a sibling.

You won't believe this, but while I was on the floor playing with Jonah with his cars and trucks today he stood up and poked me a couple of times, climbed on me in a sort of hug/body slam, pulled back, looked me in the face and said, "Mama, I want to break your neck." I'M NOT KIDDING. I was a little taken aback, as you might assume, and found my voice enough to tell him that that's not a funny thing to say and that he shouldn't want to break any part of me and give me boo-boos. Jesse, of course, found it amusing, as do I, only because he has no idea what he just said to me, but really... That was an odd one. He's consistently alternating between a hug and unprompted "I love you, Mama," and kicking me in the chest and screeching. There are clear moments of cuteness, but sometimes they're outpaced dramatically by moments that make me want to pull out my hair and lock myself in the bathroom with my iPod.

I'm done trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong or what might be the root of his difficult behavior from day to day. I've decided it's just who he is and what he's doing right now, and someday Jonah will be nice and I won't feel like I've screwed him up. It's hard to see past the tears and crankiness and know that I'm doing the best I can, which will ultimately be good for Jonah. Today I wish we lived somewhere else or had a retired grandparent next door or that I didn't hate the idea of him watching TV so I can have a break from the aggravating monotony. I know it won't feel like this next week or even tomorrow, but today, I'm just a little tired of it.

*Photos: Jonah arranging our shoes, and playing golf while wearing one of his garden gloves so he can be just like Daddy.

Looking Ahead

2009-05-26T13:05:00.005-04:00

At thirty weeks pregnant, I am incredibly aware of my body. My pregnant body reminds me often that it needs a slow pace, that I need to feed it and hydrate it, and that there's someone in there. I feel her move, privately, and I can't ignore her. My big belly gets in the way, my clothes fit differently each time I put them on, and I'm constantly thinking about what's around the corner: labor, birth, and a baby joining our family. I'll be mothering from step one all over again.

This weekend was a lovely holiday weekend. We really enjoyed having that third day to be together as a family, and we stayed in town and appreciated the quiet that happens when so many people are out of town at once. The three of us had some time with family, friends, and each other, as well as lots of time outside. It was mostly a relaxing weekend.

Something, however, has been nagging me, in the back of my mind, and won't be quiet. I'm really nervous about the choices I have to make concerning the upcoming birth of my daughter. I'm anxious about getting things done before she arrives, and about not knowing when she'll be here. This was intensified by the birth of my cousin's children, twins Jack and Andrew, who were born on Saturday at 28 weeks 6 days gestation. These are preemie twins whose parents were told that they should consider giving up on them weeks ago and they're doing great. They're not going home for several weeks and they're in the NICU, but for their situation, they're remarkably healthy, it seems. Their birth was exciting, like any other, but it was worrisome at the same time. Would they be okay? What defects might they discover? What if they weren't strong enough?

I cannot get enough information about these two little boys and I keep going back to their mom... What is it like for her? How is she dealing with this? What's it like to go from strict bedrest to not pregnant but not able to hold and nurse your babies? I look at the pictures of the two boys and can't help but think about my own child, just a week older than them, but still safely tucked in my womb, growing fatter and stronger by the day. I look at them and see their perfect little fingers and toes, their cute little noses and tiny bodies, and think, "She's actually bigger than that. She's all formed and everything, she looks like a baby, and she's bigger than that already." It's really sinking in that she'll be born soon. Not next week soon, God-willing, but soon enough that I need to get myself together.

There are many things I've been working on to prepare for being the mother of two children, and the most tangible is preparing our home. Until about three weeks ago, I thought we might move before this baby came to join us, and now I know that we're remaining here until at least after she's born. We might move shortly after, however, and I want to be ready. I don't want to pack and purge and clean out closets with a newborn and a two-year-old. I know I won't have it in me, nor will I have the time. This leaves me with the next ten-ish weeks to do as much as I can to get our house in order so that when she arrives, and when we move, there won't be clutter and old useless items in our midst. I've been trying to do a little every day and Jesse has been involved, too, which helps the progress. I'll post more about this later.

The most immediate concern that I have about the near future is where I'll be giving birth and under what conditions, and with what support. I am currently receiving prenatal care from a practice of midwives that have delivery privileges at a local hospital, which is the same care I received when pregnant with Jonah. As I've mentioned before, this practice is imperfect to me. I really hoped for a midwifery experience where I feel fully supported in my pregnancy, where natural childbirth is encouraged in every way, and where I am more than the numbers in my chart. I also dislike the hospital aspect of this practice. There were things about Jonah's birth that were truly frustrating to me and, even after all this time, still bring up strong emotions. I'm convinced that the issues I have looking back on his birth were simply because of hospital rules and practices, and so trying to avoid them this time is not as easy as one would think.

It's odd heading into the birth of a second child. You know some of what to expect, yet things can go so differently from one birth to another that there's no controlling it. My past experience could be useful and I could learn from it, but if labor progresses very differently, it's no longer useful information. The best intentions in birth are thwarted because it's not a static experience. I'm struggling with resolving issues from Jonah's birth, knowing that that resolution won't protect me from other difficulties arising this time around.

I considered switching to a local Birth Center because I would really like a setting that is less medical. However due to the two-vessel-cord, there is no way I could birth my baby there. Back to the hospital, then, and this time with a doula. I'm currently looking into several birth doulas to find who is the best fit for our family, and I hope this helps me to be better supported in my vulnerable, birthing state. A hospital just makes me feel "on guard" and like a gazelle birthing in a field, the slightest threat can make a birthing mother tense up and want to run away. I want to be as relaxed as possible and I'd like to have another person, besides Jesse, know my wishes and my needs for this birth. Turns out doulas are expensive in this area, so it's not such a simple choice. We can work it out, but I am frustrated that what I need is never covered by insurance and the "natural" choices in birthing are out-of-pocket expenses while elective cesareans are covered fully by insurance.

Another decision is whether to take an additional childbirth preparation class. I took HypnoBirthing with my last pregnancy and found it enormously helpful, but not a perfect fit. I don't know if something else would be better at this point or if I just need to focus my energy on some self-study of the things that I didn't get right the first time. I believe in HypnoBirthing's message, that a birth can be a quiet, loving, gentle event, and that a mother can relax herself into a state where she feels no pain, just strong sensations. I believe that fear is the most counter-productive emotion in birth, and this is where I need to do some work. I'm currently afraid of what I don't know well enough, that something will derail me, or that I just won't be prepared. I'm really working hard to get to the bottom of my feelings about this birth and find the right fit for me.

For now I am content to see my outie belly button changing shape with each Braxton-Hicks contraction, to feel her move (so differently from Jonah), and to wonder what this little girl will look like. I've got plenty of work to do before she arrives, and I hope it will all help me to be a better mother to her when she finally makes her entrance. I will finally be able to say, "Hello, Baby, we've been waiting for you. The cleaning is done, our nest is prepared, and I'm ready to bring you into this big world."

Greening It Up

2009-05-13T15:31:00.006-04:00

Anyone that knows me as a parent knows that I use cloth diapers. Those who know me even better know that I don't just use them, though, I really love them. I think they're better for my child because they don't contain chemicals like dioxins, and I think they're better for the environment because they are reusable, sometimes for more than one child. Plus, they're cute, soft, easy, and can save us money (if I can keep myself from trying and buying too many). They've come a long way from prefolds and plastic covers that some of our moms used, and if you don't ever want to touch a pin, you don't have to. So many are made by Work-at-Home-Moms (see Hyena Cart, the Etsy of the Cloth world) and I feel really good supporting someone running a small business from her home, especially since they are handmade and of excellent quality.
Recently the eco-conscious manufacturer Seventh Generation took down cloth diapering, claiming it was a less green alternative to disposable diapers. I couldn't believe this lie. Cloth diapering has repeatedly been examined in comparison to convenient disposables, and by whom? Manufacturers of disposable diapers. What a joke. Read Peggy O'Mara's "A Tale of Two Diapers," first printed in Mothering Magazine and this blog post my Mr. Boilermaker for their explanations of these types of terribly biased studies. Some really big pieces of the puzzle are always left out.

For my part, I'm irritated by Seventh Generation for producing "Big Green Lies" and claiming it is unbiased. So much so that I've decided to have an informal boycott of their products, which isn't THAT hard to do for me. I buy their chlorine-free disposable diapers when they're on sale because I do need disposables around some of the time, but I resisted when I saw them this week, just because I'm angry.

Today I cleaned my kitchen and bathroom using eco-friendly products and didn't use a drop of 7th Gen. It gave me a little twinge of pleasure, and I thought I'd share what I used in case anyone is looking for a few ideas.

For countertops, glass, and mirrors, I used white vinegar. Plain old white vinegar in a spray bottle, with a couple of drops of lavender essential oil in it to dispel that strong smell a bit.

For the bathtub and sinks, I used Castile Soap (from Trader Joe's) and baking soda. I mix the two in a small bowl into a pasty consistency and spoon it onto my sponge. It makes an excellent, nice-smelling scrub for tackling soap scum.

For the toilet and shower walls, I used biokleen All Purpose Cleaner. It's non-toxic, concentrated and does a nice job of cleaning up.

I didn't clean my floors, but I usually use vinegar and water for that as well, or the biokleen APC.
If you're interested, I use Country Save Laundry Detergent on everything, though I bought it for cloth diapers first. I spray particularly icky diapers with biokleen Bac-Out, which is an enzyme cleaner that starts the cleaning before the dipe hits the wash.

I have never claimed to be the greenest of cleaners, or the most eco-conscious person in the room, but my philosophy is that if it's better for the earth, it's probably better for our health, too. I look for natural options, whether or not they're the most sustainable, but usually they're one and the same. I tend to approach products looking to avoid synthetic fragrances, chlorine, and ammonia, and find that with a little elbow grease and the sun, there's almost nothing these natural cleaners can't handle.

Birds, Wheels, and Solar Power

2009-05-05T21:04:00.009-04:00

This weekend the three of us made the short trip to Lincoln, Massachusetts to visit Drumlin Farm, a Massachusetts Audubon Society working farm that we haven't visited since last summer. I thought for sure that Jonah would enjoy the lambs, piglets, baby goats, and poultry house. Turns out I was only half right.

Drumlin Farm features various animals not regularly found at a farm because of it's association with MAS. For example, there is a "bird hill" with several birds in enclosed structures, including a turkey vulture, pheasant, several owls, and a hawk. There's also a skunk and two red foxes. The crow that was rescued and raised by humans was one of Jonah's favorite animals to watch. Jonah watched him and the brightly-colored pheasant beside him for such a long time. I'm so surprised when this happens because we literally spent 3 minutes looking at a pony and only about 5 minutes watching the sheep and goats. Baby animals are fascinating to me, but Jonah seems to be his father's son these days. His attention span really is quite long, but it's so specific. The boy knows what he likes, and apparently birds made the list.

A hay ride pulled by a big tractor was another exciting feature of Drumlin Farm, and we went for a ride. It was Jonah's first hay ride and at first it didn't seem like he'd stay on for the whole ten minutes, but eventually he really enjoyed himself, watching the scenery go by. The tractor itself was even more thrilling, with its big, tall wheels.

Jonah and Jesse went back and forth looking for the red fox, whose enclosure is part underground and part above ground. The Farm allows you to view him down in his hole as well, so they went back and forth three times as the fox came out and went back into his hole. Jonah could have stayed and waited for the fox for longer, but we moved on. The chickens in the poultry house were interesting to Jonah, but mostly because of the interactive egg-collecting activity with wooden eggs, a chute, and a scale for the eggs.

The last stop on our way out of the farm grounds was to look at a collection of solar-powered sculptures. One uses solar panels to move gears that make metal birds look like they're flapping their wings in flight, another makes a giant tulip open and close. Jonah's favorite was "Sisyphus," which is comprised of a soccer ball being "pushed" up a hill by Sisyphus himself, then rolling down the other side to be pushed up again by another Sisyphus. It's slow-moving, like watching a bike chain turn slowly around, but Jonah just watched it for about a half hour. It reminded me of our trip to the Museum of Science when he spent the bulk of his time watching the kinetic ball structure. He is definitely more like his father this way; interested in things with many parts, that move intricately and predictably. I love that at this young age he is showing such preference and personality.

Jonah can't wait to go back to Drumlin Farm and wants to bring both sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles, and his great grandfather to come with us next time. I'm not sure how much of that we can make happen, but we certainly will go back again.

Old News

2009-05-03T17:42:00.008-04:00

Two weeks and no posts; yes, I know, I'm the most neglectful blogger ever. Ever. I get it. But here I am to tell you that sometimes it just freaks me out a little to put out onto the internet that I haven't been home for 5 days. It just seems like bad practice to leave our news of an empty apartment to be so available to every weirdo that can read. (oh, no, not you, you're nice. I mean that other weirdo that I shouldn't even let read my blog. You know what I mean.)

Secondly, and I know that I'm always making excuses, but my brain is, like, 5/7 the size it normally is, which makes writing really hard sometimes. I know I used to be more eloquent, or at least I hope I was. Currently the host in my abdomen is sucking certain life forces from me and one of them seems to be intelligence. I've been here before; it gets better several months postpartum. Currently, however, when I have something I'm really passionate about and sit down to compose a thoughtful piece about it, I realize that I just don't have it in me to do said topic justice. So I stay away.

If you can put up with this second- (third-?) rate documentation of my thoughts, then continue to read. If not... well, I don't know what to tell you. I'm kind of a half-wit in certain areas these days and reserve the right to misspell and misuse words left and right without your judgment. Thanks.

Moving on, our happy little growing family was on vacation the third week of April to a little beach town on the North Carolina coast. It was lovely. I wasn't sure what to expect as we haven't traveled by plane with Jonah in about a year and we've never gone to this area before. It was sleepy, quiet, family-friendly, and there were many loving family members around to help us keep Jonah entertained. We had a great time, and my two big fears were put to bed when Jonah traveled really well and he actually slept fine, too. We flew, drove for three hours, and still, the child was energetic and pretty easy to handle. More about vacation later.

Here's a picture of the three of us toward the end of the week. Aren't my boys adorable?
And here I am, nice and pregnant, at 26 weeks. Forgive my hair in both of these pictures. I swear that in the house it looked cute, and then the wind blew it all over and I just look like a fuzzball.
I've gained a significant amount of wait over the past month or so. I eluded to an obnoxious visit with one of my midwives a few posts back, and this was the hot topic of conversation at that appointment that left me reeling for days. Yeah, I'm pregnant and I'm going to gain weight, but being a patient in a practice of midwives, I didn't think they'd ever really make an issue out of the actual numbers. I've now gained about 30 lbs since my slimmest moments pre-pregnancy, and while I would prefer to have those lovely svelte arms, legs, and face that I've spoken of before, it doesn't appear to be my body type. I gained 40lbs while pregnant with Jonah and it stuck around for much longer than I hoped after he was born. Hoping wasn't enough to avoid going the same route this time, I'm afraid. At any rate, at this particularly trying appointment was with a midwife that I hadn't seen since my previous pregnancy. After mentioning that my weight gain was significant, she had the nerve to suggest grape tomatoes and "all that delicious produce that is in season in the summer" as a way to potential curb my weight gain. Also when I mentioned my desire to step up my activity level now that the weather has improved, she asked me, "Do you think you could commit to walking for a half hour, five days a week?" I was dumbfounded and beyond irritated. I am a woman who has, in the past, struggled to lose five pounds, has learned a ton about nutrition, and used to work out nearly incessantly. Don't give me condescending crap about weight management. Honestly, I just wish she had asked me what was going on with me. Then she would have heard about how I felt like CRAP until week 21, how I want to exercise but my son and energy level won't cooperate on many days, and how, despite my ample thighs, I was CONSTANTLY HUNGRY for weeks. I've since gotten over this feeling, but for the next couple of days I was cautious about what I ate and discouraged when I looked in the mirror. That, my friends, is a terrible way to go through pregnancy. But really, I'm feeling much better this week. I swear!

Jonah is becoming more interested in his baby sister. He asks to talk to her, lifting my shirt and then pausing because he's not sure what to say to my stomach. After all, she's not talking back. He seems pretty interested in babies these days, which is encouraging, but I have no idea how he'll react when she's actually here, crying, in the flesh. I'm concerned about other transitions we may encounter at the same time, like beginning preschool or possibly even moving. I'm told that toddlers are very resilient, but when it comes to his sensitive and passionate disposition, I'm fearful that changing many things at once will create some negative associations. Time will tell; we may not move and he may not go to preschool next year. We will, however, have a baby. He better be ready for that one.

Good and Bad Mama Moments of the Day

2009-04-17T20:52:00.004-04:00

Bad Mama: After walking down the street alongside the stroller, Jonah allowed me to push him for a couple of blocks before claiming he wanted to go home. I told him we would, taking the long way so that he'd fall asleep. Came to find out after his 2 hour nap that he had slept with dirty (very) diaper. So sad, so messy, and he was so trying to tell me in his own way when it happened. *Sigh*

Good Mama: Jonah's new game over the last two days has been using a key to "unlock" the doors all over the house. He was using a car key, which is not ideal. On our walk, I popped into the locksmith and asked if they had any junk keys around that I could have to give him his own set. The kind gentleman (they do exist around here!) produced a keychain with keys of every color, just for my little boy. Jonah, as you can imagine, was thrilled.
Here's a plug for the guys at Bill Carr Locksmith. Thanks guys! And hey, let this be a reminder that it doesn't hurt to ask. Jonah now has a free, small, portable favorite toy. YAY!

Mean Old Men

2009-04-13T15:34:00.005-04:00

I've become quite tired of my semi-urban existence lately. Actually, I never felt like I grew into certain things that come with living so close to a city, and honestly, I don't take advantage of many of the pluses, either. For years I've been complaining about Massachusetts drivers and the general lack of decorum that seems to be the norm in a town-on-the-edge-of-a-city. I'm just one of those rule-following people who gets irritated with others not showing me the same courtesies. Unfortunately it's a regular occurrence for me to shout things like "Put on your blinker! JEEZ!" and "Oh my gosh, are you even looking where you're driving?! NO! You're on a phone! Of course!" while carting Jonah around town. Not pleasant.

Over the past two weeks, though, it's reached a new low. I've had encounters with grown men, men in suits, old men who should know better than to treat anyone, let alone a pregnant woman with a child, so coldly. These are grandfathers, guys who look like my fourth grade teacher, and dads with their kids, and they're showing me that they're no better than the eighteen-year-old girl on her phone who doesn't yield to pedestrians at crosswalks. Ick. Last week my car was blocked in by a man headed into a meeting, or his office, or something, briefcase in hand. I saw him do it, but was too far away to shout. I tried to back out of my legal spot, but his illegally parked Honda Fit was too close behind me and the curb was in my way. I sought him from his office and the secretary of sorts told him he was blocking someone in. I stood there, pregnant, with two-year-old on hip, and he walked right by me, ostensibly to get his coat and keys, and didn't give me even a look, let alone a word of apology.

Grumpy old man stood in his car doorway yawning as I struggled to strap Jonah into his carseat for the second time in ten minutes. I said (angrily, I'll admit), "Could you please move your car? You're blocking me!" since he was just standing there like he wanted to see if I could get out. He literally yelled over my words, "No I'm not! You can get out, jeez!" I got in my car and slammed the door. He moved, I moved, I went on my way hurt and confused. I was so upset by the fact that I was shown NO respect at all, and that this illegally parked car's owner felt justified to yell at me. I'm sure this guy is a nice, law-abiding townie and his neighbors really like him. That's what gets me. He was just a total jerk to me because he had no reason to be nice; I was just some lady he'll never see again.

Today I was moving a stray trash can of my neighbor's out of the middle of our one-way street. A car was heading toward me but was so far down the street that I knew I had time to get it and bring it to the other side of the road. There was room to go around the can as I had done, but since I was standing there, I expected the driver to slow to a near stop until I was at least 3/4 of the way across the street. Did he? No. It was an older man, at least eighty, who clearly saw me. I raised my arms and voice in disgust, something to the effect of "Are you joking?!" and he raised his hand in the air in a dismissive manner and scooted his little car around me.

It all makes me want to cry, which I'm sure is the hormones working hard to keep me safe and protective of the life inside me. I am so upset by the idea of bringing another child into the world where people are so rude, cruel, and act with anonymity in such hurtful ways. There have been other occurrences that also made my blood boil or tears come to my eyes, and I fear that this lovely, family-friendly, coveted town we live in shelters this unfortunate behavior. Did I just not notice it before? Our town is truly one of the most popular in the Boston area for families these days. People are surprised when I tell them we're considering a move out of the area. "But everyone is moving here," they say. Yeah, well, not us. I'm going to miss alot about this town when the time comes to leave, but I'm finding reasons why anywhere-but-here will suit us just fine, too. I know other towns aren't immune to jerks, but I'm convinced that the concentration in this area is much higher for whatever reason. Suburbs 1, Urban town 0.

We Celebrate the Birth of the Easter Bunny on Easter, Right?

2009-04-12T16:18:00.008-04:00

First of all, look at this face. This is the face of a two-and-a-half year old that does not understand the reasoning behind "line up against the fence, everyone, and we'll start the Easter Egg Hunt in a minute." Friday morning was beautiful weather and we ventured out to the Easter Egg Hunt put on by our Recreation Department. Jonah was briefly distraught just before starting the hunt, as shown by that pathetic expression. Eventually we were all let loose to collect the hundreds of shiny little candy eggs that had been strewn around the field, and Jonah had a nice time hunting and watching the Easter Bunny interact with children from a safe distance.

We had a busy weekend, complete with first official haircut by someone other than his mom or grandmother (which you can see below), a birthday party, another Easter Egg Hunt at Mimi and Poppy's house, and capped off with a busy Sunday.

The Easter Bunny sure was busy; he came and hid eggs around our house on Easter morning, too! Here's Jonah in his pajamas discovering one that was hidden next to his booster seat. He loved collecting the eggs and seeing what was inside. I fully intended for us to dye eggs together but the way Friday and Saturday played out, there was no logical time to do it. We'll definitely dye eggs next year because I remember it so fondly from my own childhood.

After a morning playing with his new cars and balls from his Easter haul, Grandma came to visit and we all went to the Museum of Science in Boston. Jonah's favorite thing to do there is push buttons on the interactive exhibits. At one point while browsing their featured "Frogs: A Chorus of Colors" exhibit, Jonah kept rushing back to one kiosk at which you push a button, a picture of a frog lights up, and the narrator describes how that species of frog protects his young. Jonah methodically pushed every button, had no interest in the live frogs in cases around him, and said he had to go do his "work." Back to pushing buttons! "Hello, my name is Joe. I have a wife and two kids and I work in a button factory..." Remember that rhyme?

In the Museum's Discovery Center for kids, there is essentially a giant Lite-Brite on the wall, and here is Jonah thoroughly enjoying pulling out and replacing the pegs. His other favorite display was kinetic ball sculpture that's in the lower lobby. He stood there and stared at it for at least twenty minutes, twice. Jesse's mom said that he seems to be interested in the same things that Jesse was when he was little.

Alright, Alright.

2009-04-12T09:20:00.002-04:00

It's come to my attention that I haven't blogged in a whole week. Shocking! And someone's complained about it. Even more shocking! Here's a little teaser.

I have so much to say but no clearly defined post about Hanna Rosin's piece in the Atlantic Monthly entitled "The Case Against Breastfeeding." Yeah. Controversy, and I bet you can guess where I stand on the issue at hand. Let's hope my mommy brain can get to writing and sort out this stuff.

I had an unreasonably grumpy prenatal visit with a midwife two weeks ago that I'm still a little steamed about. Look for my possible rant, but hope that it's thoughtful and forgiving instead.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant so a photo is due, too. I'm big, get ready.

We've had a busy weekend and hopefully some fun photos of our adventures will be posted. I'll keep you in suspense!

Our family is so entrenched in a few things that it's hard to write about them while I feel like whatever is happening isn't done happening yet. Does that make sense? I'm so much in the middle of an event that I can't get perspective enough to write, but I'll try to be less vague and more informing as it unfolds. [And with that, Ashley heard laptops across the country slap shut in disgust. Like someone saying she has a secret and then not dishing... Really, not that exciting for now.]

Thanks for reading and now I've got a written commitment to what's to come. See you later!

A Nice Cup of Something

2009-04-04T21:59:00.006-04:00

Jesse tried to make coffee the other day and forgot a step. We were both pretty amused by the oversight... Please ignore the dust on the top of the coffeemaker (she wrote, calling attention to the dust on the coffeemaker).

Here's Jonah having a some "funny drink" before bed. That's what he calls seltzer because of the bubbles. He really enjoys the stuff, and I keep meaning to find out if the actual bubbles are bad for his teeth or if it's just carbonation when paired with 56 tablespoons of sugar that is the problem. He was fighting fires just prior to this photo, in case you were wondering.

22 Weeks

2009-03-30T15:35:00.007-04:00

I took this today and compared the pictures from less than three weeks ago, I look a lot bigger. I feel quite a bit bigger, too! I'm more than halfway through this amazing, uncomfortable, wonderful journey and am enjoying pregnancy so much more now. I'm very aware of how hard my body is working to build this baby and get me through the day. Some days it's just plain hard to keep up with what my body needs. Other days I'm happy to stuff my face, lounge around, and drink tons of water. What? That's what it's telling me it needs! Judge not, lest ye be craving cookies and dried mango yourself.

And Then He Weaned

2009-03-26T14:59:00.003-04:00

One of the easiest things to forget when parenting a very young child is how quickly they pass through stages. Jonah has made me feel over and over again that whatever he was doing that was driving me nuts was just never going to end, EVER. And then it does.

Just like that, he stopped nursing every 1.5 hours. He slept in his crib in his room and it was more traumatic for Jesse than for Jonah. He started sleeping longer stretches. He stopped waking up at 4:45am every day (Yeah, that was a fun, loooong stage). He stopped shrieking at the top of his lungs and register for no reason. He regularly started eating food that we put in front of him. Jonah stopped nursing at night, stopped begging for raisins at every waking moment, suddenly went to sleep without fuss at night, and so on and so on.

Four months ago I could not see the end of our nursing relationship. He was nursing three times a day, happily, persistently, and it was still working for us. I'm a strong believer in the benefits of breastfeeding and I don't think the benefits stop when a child hits age one or age two or even age three. It did, however, eventually it started to be uncomfortable for me. Emotionally uncomfortable because I now was having restless sleep due to pregnancy, only to be tormented by a squirmy, noisy toddler in my bed first thing in the morning. Then physically uncomfortable as pregnancy progressed and I started feeling more sensitive to touch (and teeth, yessiree!). Eventually we changed Jonah's routine enough so that he didn't come into our room in the morning, and then we went for a drive or a walk at naptime and he fell asleep there. Nineteen days ago, Jonah nursed for the last time, possibly ever.

March 8 wasn't a day that I had planned to be the last nursing. In fact, it wasn't even particularly pleasant or cuddly. Jonah had had a busy morning and was fighting naptime, so I laid down with him to work my secret weapon. Instead of relaxing into a cuddle, he nursed while kicking, flailing, giggling, occasionally rolling, and basically just being annoying. I got up and declared that that was over, it was time for Daddy to take Jonah for a ride in the car. That was it. That was the last time I nursed my oldest child. He didn't cry or ask for more. He's mentioned nursing a few times, which he amusingly calls "Tah," but has been so easily distracted by other things that I don't think he even feels like he's missing anything.

Just when it had seemed like he would never give up breastfeeding, he did. It's the same thing that he's done with every other stage. When he's ready and we put the effort into giving him new options, Jonah surprises us by rising to the occasion and changing. It will happen over and over, and it's worth remembering in the thick of a new and difficult stage.

MomCar

2009-03-24T18:23:00.004-04:00

I realized recently that none of my local mom-friends drives a minivan. Not one. I'm guessing that will change over the next several years as we have more than two children, they get older, and Moms need more space to fit friends that are coming home from school and all that. For now, however, there are zero vans showing up to playdates.

Photo by Mi Bob from Flickr

When I was thinking about what cars my friends drive, I realized that the only two peer mothers I know that drive minivans are those that live in Chicago and Atlanta. Perhaps this phenomenon is local? I unscientifically examined further and realized that out of 13 moms that I see on a regular basis, six drive a Subaru Outback. Among the remaining seven, no make or model appears twice. These cars, if you're interested are wagons, sedans, and SUVs.

What is it about the Subaru Outback? Is this the New England MomCar? Is this car as popular in other areas? I understand that it's a safe, reliable, all-wheel-drive car, which are all good reasons to make it your family car. To be the car of choice for nearly half of my Massachusetts Mom-friends, there must be something to it. It's not a van, yet it's taken the place of one as a family car. It's the less eco-aggressive version of an SUV; still roomy and sporty but less likely to get scathing looks from Hybrid drivers. It was suggested to me that perhaps New England is just the place for Outback drivers, and it's not just a mom thing. It's an "Outback-Type-of-Person" thing. I'm interested to hear what Mom Friends drive in your world.

Show and Tell: Art Edition

2009-03-23T19:02:00.009-04:00

The avatar of one member on Diaperswappers.com is particularly memorable. It pictures a cartoon of a pregnant woman with the caption "I'm so crafty, I make people." I could never use it myself because I really don't have a crafty side, just a creative side that rears its head in rather lame ways. That's fine, but over the last two days Jonah and I actually did a little art!

First, I dyed rigatoni three colors in addition to the original yellow semolina color, making four colors of "beads." This is so easy; you put a couple of handfuls into a zipper plastic baggie that has about a teaspoon of rubbing alcohol and 5-10 drops of food coloring. Rub it around to coat all the pasta, and then turn it out onto paper towels atop wax paper. Let it dry, find something to string it on, and there you go! Necklace-making for the 2-5 set.

Here's Jonah starting his project (Daddy's hands pictured as well).

And here's the finished product, modeled by the maker.

Today Jonah wanted to paint, so he donned his rainboots (on the wrong feet) and his apron and got to work. We're using the super-washable Crayola paints here, and to make things easier we used one brush for each color. Less accidental brown paint that way. We only have two brushes at the present time, so I help Jonah paint with two colors at a time instead of all of them.

Here's the artist painting with two brushes at once.

And here's the finished product. I'm told it pictures at least one dog.

What Makes this Sound?

2009-03-21T20:13:00.007-04:00

I just wrote the most boring blog post ever about how I'm feeling well and am excited it's spring. I then deleted it, thus saving you the time of reading the whole dang thing.

What I'd rather do is share a little video from dinner tonight. Here is Jonah being really goofy about animal sounds, interested primarily in having us guess which animal makes a chewing sound. Forgive the lame camerawork.

The Cow Roller and Other Stories

2009-03-17T19:50:00.008-04:00

During bath time tonight Jonah quoted this, out of nowhere: "Lizzy Lizzy Tizzy, I not play with you anymore. I pack up my things and go home!" That gem is paraphrased from The Berenstain Bears and the Trouble with Friends. It took me a moment to know what he had said, as we don't have the book and he hasn't read it for a couple of weeks. He spoke the line, quoting Sister Bear talking to Lizzy Bruin, at least two more times during his bath.

Jonah gave me a nice, big hug and kiss before bedtime. It was Daddy's turn to bring him to his room to read books and tuck him in, and after our embrace he said, "Thanks for having me downstairs!" Again, it took me a few minutes (and several patient repetitions on his part) to understand his message. I should have known, as he's been so polite lately (when he's not throwing temper tantrums or tossing food on the floor).

We have this set of Playmobil people and animals that came with a house facade, and Jonah loves to play with them. They were purchased second-hand so we're missing some pieces and it's not always clear what an object's original intention is. For example, we have the canopy part of an outdoor umbrella but no stand for it. We also have a little red plastic thing that looks like a spool for electrical wire in miniature. Jesse, being his always inventive self, decided it was a "cow roller" several months ago, as it was exactly the right size for rolling the playmobil cow across the floor. Jonah consistently refers to this object as the "Cow Ro-der!" and uses it for its new purpose. Our babysitter and Grandma were both pretty confused by that one.

The Two-Sentence Attention Span

2009-03-17T15:18:00.003-04:00

I found Twitter. I'm just going to come right out and say it because it's the honest and good thing to do. I've been cheating on my blog in favor of the short-attention-span-updates of Twitter. I've been thinking about blogging, even started an entry or two, but I keep heading back to tweet something brief and to the point about where I stand today. It's just so easy, and I can't help myself.

Please know that I want to have a longer attention span. I could blame pregnancy, but that's not entirely fair or true. I have these great ideas of posts about the benefits of diapering with natural fibers, cleaning green, the progress of my son, and my intense need for red meat. They all fall away when I can't get myself to focus on a complete and total thought for more than a few minutes, let alone clearly document an entire post-worth of cohesive thoughts.

So, in an effort to make nice with my blog I am going to now provide my avid readers with what you might call "mini-posts."

My energy is back today. Yesterday not so much, but today, I actually was able to follow through with three entire tasks while Jonah slept. Heavenly. It's all I've wanted to do lately to feel normal!

Jonah has started saying "Yes" consistently for his affirmative responses. Amusing only because he began by saying "okay" when he learned to talk, and then moved to "yeah" most of the time. Now he sounds like a boy who knows what he wants. Which he is.

We've started making it regular conversation that the reason my belly is so big is that there is a baby sister in there. A couple of days ago Jonah tried looking down my shirt to see the baby. Priceless. Today he told her that he was Jonah.

Baby girl in my belly kicked her brother today when I was holding him. Jesse and I both said the same thing, "The first of many kicks, I'm sure." I don't think he noticed, which isn't going to last.

My mind is eased so much by the news we received on Friday that everything looks good. Nobody wants to worry for an entire pregnancy about what could happen, and now it seems our odds of some defect are no greater than the average family. I'm really relieved.

I have a thing for The Millionaire Matchmaker and House. Lately when I turn on the TV I secretly hope that The Millionaire Matchmaker will be on Bravo and go there first. When it isn't, there's usually an episode of House on USA. MM is just such an odd show and I'm hooked. And House is never boring despite the obvious formula of the show. Hugh Laurie rules.

I'm starting to look really pregnant. Just in time to start going out without a parka covering every bit of skin. Not sure how excited I am about being a large, round woman during the skin-baring months. Trying to embrace it but really feel like I should go do push-ups and lunges.

Jesse finally understands this nagging feeling I have about wanting to be settled into a home by the time the baby comes. Because this isn't entirely up to us, we've negotiated a second-tier plan that still leaves me satisfied: We're purging and packing up and clearing space for another person in our home. There's tons to do and we're starting with the "junk room." Maybe I'll take before and after photos to share to keep us motivated.

Jonah got a yellow balloon at Trader Joe's yesterday. He called it a "gah-bloon" and the color: "Leh-doh." Learning to talk must be so hard.

I'll leave you now with the promise (to myself) that I'll post something real again soon.

Good News

2009-03-13T15:10:00.004-04:00

First I'd like to address the kind comments on my belly being "small" or me looking great. I welcome happily any comment that I don't look like a cow but would like to point out that I chose the best picture of myself to post... Perhaps one that made me look the least-heifer-ish by comparison. Not that that photo is doctored, but angles can do wonders, can't they? If you saw me on the day-to-day you still might not think I was enormous but would definitely see that I don't carry that trim-all-around-but-in-front way that many lucky women do. I am spreading out EVERYWHERE. It's all part of the deal but man, I wish I was in better shape so my thighs weren't a constant reminder of the 19lbs I've gained.

Moving on to the real news; we had our second ultrasound today to check on the two vessel umbilical cord and received nothing but good news. Little baby girl is in great shape; the heart, kidneys, head, and size of her all look great and there seems to be no cause for concern. That which has been cleared for being perfect structurally is not going to suddenly become abnormal, so that's all good news! Our next step in this department is another ultrasound in late May, which is fine by me. I'm hoping to scan an ultrasound picture for your viewing pleasure, so look for that to be added here later.

19 Weeks

2009-03-12T15:24:00.005-04:00

Here's a long overdue picture of my pregnant self. I haven't been feeling remotely lovely enough to take a shot of myself, but today decided that it needed to be documented photographically for once. I'm sparing you the bare-belly shot for another day when it will really, uh... make a BIG impact.

There was some mixed news last week about our little womb baby that made me take pause before blogging. First of all, the splendid news that there's a healthy little GIRL baby in there! She's structurally perfect and she's a she, which is all new and exciting. I really would have been fine having a bunch of boys as long as this next one wasn't quite as trying as Jonah. Like, he had to sleep well at least some of the time and maybe could be a little more relaxed. A girl is such a different feeling, though, and one I'm feeling very good about.

The more difficult news to hear was that we have something called a two-vessel cord. Basically, the umbilical cord usually has two arteries and one vein, and this one has one artery and one vein. My immediate questions where whether that means something is going to be wrong with the baby, but next in line was my fear of a very medicalized pregnancy. We're not sure about either situation at this point and will know more later, but it may just be that they need to watch her growth a little more closely and I need a couple of extra ultrasounds. Because she's shown herself to be well-built already, we're hopeful that all will be well. No worrying yet, please.

God Talk

2009-03-09T09:01:00.005-04:00

I'm not even going to go into the specifics of my own spiritual journey because I don't feel like it will let you know me any better at this point. I will, however, tell you about a website that is now live for investigation and chatter about God, Soul Pancake, created by Rainn Wilson. His mission is amusingly presented in the quick video on the home page, and I encourage you to check it out. It's not touchy-feely, I promise. Just what I need for a little spiritual poke in the bum.

After I posted this, Rainn Wilson sent out a Tweet on Twitter about this video conversation that he had with Oprah. I watched the whole thing (it's long, in two parts) and it was such an interesting thing to behold. Here's Oprah Winfrey hosting a series for XM and Sirius called "Soul Series" and she's learning about the Baha'i faith from Rainn Wilson, star of The Office. He was there to talk about Soulpancake.com but since it's so new there wasn't that much to report. So they mostly talked about spirituality, Rainn's spiritual journey and the Faith. Oprah kept trying to bring the conversation around to talking about this new "Age of Obama," which I found interesting because Rainn Wilson didn't really bite. Worth watching, if even for a few minutes.

Saturn Return

2009-03-06T14:38:00.004-05:00

In talking with my very helpful midwife on Tuesday, I happened to mention that I turned thirty this week. It was in the context of discussing a lot of non-medical things that are going on with me and in my life, which is why I love this midwife so much. She takes a really holistic approach to care. I was talking about moving to a new town, buying a house, and some other things that will happen prior to this second baby being born, and she said, "Oh, well, you're in a Saturn Return as well. Do you know anything about astrology?"

No, I don't really. But this had been mentioned to me before. A Saturn Return occurs every 28-30 years, which is how long it takes for Saturn to revolve around the sun to the same place it was when you were born. I wanted to know more, and so where do we go when we want to know more? Wikipedia. That's right. At 28-30 years old you experience your first Saturn Return, and that is when you are officially an adult in astrological terms. Then 28-30 years later, you're entering a "mature" part of your life. And again, 30 years later you are a wise, aged person. When a Saturn Return happens, relationships can end, careers can change, and if your life is not aligned in a way that you would like it to be, sometimes it creates upheaval or, basically, drama.

This was not all news to me as about eight months ago it was explained to me in a quick synopsis from a non-astrologer. It does, interestingly, seem to explain or at least coincide with the changes that are going on in my life. For eighteen months or so, Jesse and I have been trying, on and off, to find a home. A year ago we put an offer on a house and it didn't work out. We're looking again. We will move out of the town in which we've been living for four and a half years and to somewhere new which will undoubtedly change the way that I live my life. With the birth of a second child, I believe my station as a mother will be even more securely defined. I identify less and less with the day-to-day life of the person I was ten years ago and expect that distance to grow greater as I move forward. Life is definitely changing.

For more information about Saturn Return, check out this page.

Thirty

2009-03-04T18:02:00.002-05:00

Yes, it was my birthday on Monday and I turned thirty. It's not an age that bothers me nearly as much as a lot of people... Sometimes I wonder if (and this may sound insensitive) it's because I'm married and have a child already that thirty doesn't seem like a hurdle to me. If I was single, wishing I was married, and worried about my eggs it might seem like a reminder that I'm aging. It is, after all, another decade under my belt. As it stands I'm happy with where I am at thirty.

It was a snowy day and Jesse took the morning off because the commute was said to be pretty dangerous. We shoveled together as a family and the snow tapered off around noon. I didn't go anywhere, though! It was a quiet day and in the evening, after Jonah's bedtime, we had a few friends over to celebrate. Quite a nice marking of a special day.

Jonah was thrilled to celebrate another birthday and have another cupcake. He was kind of cranky that day, which could have been improved upon, but his face while Jesse sang "Happy Birthday" to me was so cute. He used that round as a warm-up and then sang to me all by himself later. I love my little boy. He makes everything regular a little more fun.

"Your Job Is Hard."

2009-03-01T17:34:00.004-05:00

I have had several people over the last couple of weeks tell me how much they respect stay-at-home-moms and how hard my job is. Usually it's a mother who works, and it kinda cracks me up because OF COURSE she thinks my job is hard. I think hers is impossible. I can't imagine trying to pull off working part- or full-time and come home to my baby and have everything run smoothly. It just plain would not work for me.

In fact, I think my husband's job is hard. He's a ridiculously active father and husband, cooks, does some cleaning, and does tons of parenting. He knows most of what I know about which pajamas to put Jonah in or what foods he's favoring. AND he goes to work 40 hours a week and fully focuses (okay, as much as the next guy) on what he's doing there. AND he deals with all my whining about how my head and stomach are competing to see which one create enough pain to send me to bed first.

I don't think my job is easy, and often I think it's really hard. I used to try to convince Jesse that it was harder than he thought it was, since I worried he would resent the fact that more doesn't get done around here sometimes. I have really difficult days, especially now that I'm building another babe in this round tummy of mine, but it's my job. I'm used to it. I'm in a groove. I know my kid, and we have a routine most of the time. I'm so happy to be in this position at this time and feel really fortunate that I don't HAVE to work outside the home. This works for us. I might not like it all the time, but I'm sticking with it!

This leads me to a confession about a judgment that I had until recently about some pregnant women. I thought that some women were just really good at being pregnant and not complaining about how difficult it can be... they just do it with ease. Then there was this other type of pregnant woman in my mind: the kind that couldn't wait to get the baby out, that complained at every stage, and yeah, she'd tell you about how great it feels to have the baby kick but there's always something wrong.

Well, sorry sisters. I was the first type while pregnant with Jonah and fear that I'm entering that second category this time around. It's SO different. Now I see that there are just different types of pregnancies, not women, and that some are just way more challenging to work through than others. I really hope that I find my happy place sometime in the next 22 weeks, but for now I have something miserable to report every single day. It's wearing me out and I try to keep it to myself, but everyone always asks, "how are you feeling?" and I'm sick of my choices being either bitching or lying.

It's my job right now to be pregnant and care for a two-year-old. To many that sounds like hell, to many others, pure bliss. I'm feeling something of both at any time of day; it can be terrifying and uncomfortable but I'm so happy to be growing my family and spending time with my son. Some days, just like everyone else, I kinda wanna quit my job. Or, practically speaking, just hire someone else to do at least half of it for a little while. I guess I'm just saying that, well, my job is hard. But I bet yours is, too.

To Share

2009-02-24T19:51:00.002-05:00

The timing of the email from Mothering could not have been better. I'm happy that I actually clicked the link, read the story, and felt a connection to the author. I needed this today. It was a hard day with a napping strike and drama galore, and I needed the gentle reminders of this piece.

Please read "Mandalas," from the Mothering magazine website.

This Too Shall Pass

2009-02-23T19:57:00.010-05:00

Just a few thoughts on the day...

I am still feeling queasy and headache-y so much of the time, and here at seventeen weeks pregnant, I really thought I'd be feeling great. I'm so disappointed that every day between 4 and 6pm I start to feel pretty icky and it lingers until bedtime. I slept for 9.5 hours last night and took a one hour nap this afternoon, and I still feel awful. I didn't even feel that tired, I just thought I could probably use more sleep. I guess I should keep it up and just see if it has more lasting effects. On the upside, I started feeling the baby move about a week ago and while it's still subtle, it's definitely becoming more frequent. What a wonderful feeling. It's surprising and breathtaking and perfectly normal. Bliss.

I got up this morning and felt well-rested, which is not a common occurrence for me. However I still could not bring myself to get out of the house and take on some small errands simply because I AM SO TIRED OF BITTER COLD WEATHER. It was around 32 degrees today, and some ice had settled around from yesterday's rain and light snow, and I am just getting tired of battling it. Instead we had a couple of friends over and chatted and played. All in all a fine day, if a little unstimulating. I'm so ready for spring.

Jonah has suddenly become the child who knows how to play on his own and likes it. For his entire life I have considered him to be the kind of baby who really relies on other people for stimulation and entertainment. He neglects his toys like no other toddler I know, and if we're in the kitchen, Jonah's in the kitchen. If we're talking, Jonah's talking. He likes to be in the mix. Suddenly, over the last two weeks, he has taken a new interest in playing on his own. It's absolutely heavenly and Jesse and I silently nudge each other and keep hoping that this isn't just a passing stage. We are so happy that he'll play with his cars, trucks, trains, and people and be unaware of what we're doing. It's wonderful and couldn't be coming at a better time.

I'm really wanting to nest but am constantly aware of the fact that we are not going to be here, in this apartment, when the baby arrives this summer. That is a fact that we've been prepared for since this child was conceived, and I'm fine with that. Unfortunately that decision leaves me with no place to tuck feathers and spit on sticks. We don't know for sure where we'll be, and for now I have to just sit tight in my cluttered apartment and try to find the motivation to deal with really aggravating tasks like sorting junk drawers instead of bigger, satisfying projects like preparing a room for the baby or moving Jonah's toys to a more permanent location. If I had boundless energy I could clean out drawers and freezers and basements and not care that in three months I'll probably be packing it all up anyway. The energy I have definitely has boundaries and I don't think wasting my time is a good idea. Not when there are diapers to wash and dishes to put away.

This evening the three of us went for a cheap burrito dinner in Somerville. Jonah ate contentedly and then discovered a girl who looked to be about 8 who sat at the table next to us waiting for her mother to join her with their food. Jonah gave her a bunch of smiles and giggles, and then Jesse and I prompted him to say "hi," so he eventually struck up his quirky kind of conversation. She just nodded and smiled at each question. "Do you like food?" "You drink water every day?" "You like this restaurant?" I prompted him to ask her name because he kept calling her "that guy" when talking to me. "Katherine," she responded. I suggested he tell her his name. "My name Fuzzy Monkey!" Jonah hollered.
Jesse has repeatedly asked him if his name is Fuzzy Monkey, one of his many nicknames, and he usually replies, "No, my Do-nah!" (Translation: "No, I'm Jonah!") Not this time.

One more note: We are loving the picture book Just Like a Baby by Rebecca Bond. I highly recommend this book for any family expecting a second (or more) child. It's a lovely story and Jonah and I love reading it together.

Diaper Check

2009-02-22T19:57:00.004-05:00

Jonah has been known to tell us that his diaper is dry when it's not, and clean when it certainly is not. He'll also run away to avoid us changing him. Asking if he's wet doesn't work anymore, so I just check myself or get creative with asking. Today, however, was a first.

Jesse and I were playing with Jonah and by the clock I realized it was probably past time for a diaper change. I asked, "Jonah, how wet are you?"

Jonah didn't look up, but seemed to have heard. Jesse added, "On a scale of one to ten, how wet are you?"

The response? "Um... Green."

Feels Like Six-and-a-Half Minutes

2009-02-20T14:45:00.008-05:00

Here are some questions about one's marriage that are making their way through blogs, Facebook, etc. I'm feeling bold enough to answer them today. Feel free to share yours on your blog, by email or in a comment.

What are your middle names?
Mine is Elizabeth, after my mom and grandmother, Jesse's is Martin, after Martin Luther King, Jr.

How long have you been together?
We've been married five and a half years, together six and a half.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Hmmm... We met in the third grade when he moved to York from Washington Township, New Jersey. We were in the same math class taught by Mrs. Estes where we learned multiplication and long division just a few desks away from each other. Good friends in high school, we had ill-timed crushes on each other and never did so much as say "I like you." In 2002 we finally ended up together, not surprising any of our close friends and family. So 14 years.

Who asked whom out?
Not really sure, but I think that since Jesse never had any clue a girl was the slightest bit interested and I certainly decided it was time to move beyond friends, it was me.

How old are each of you?
We're both 29, but in three months will both be 30. I'm older by a hair.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
I'd say this is a strong tie. My brother and his sister both live locally to our parents, so we see them quite a bit. Jesse's brother is in college and home for breaks, and one of my sisters flies in from out of town to see us more often than one would expect for the distance. That leaves my younger sister, who certainly doesn't break the tie by living in Texas and only coming up 2-3 times a year. Still a tie. I'm glad we get to see all of them as often as we do.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Not really a situation, but a truth about what provokes us: the classic male vs. female emotional stuff. Not understanding how the other thinks, or how he or she communicates. Makes for one tired arguement after another.

Did you go to the same school?
Same public school, different college. Although we saw each other (as friends) quite a bit since we were geographically close and hung out during breaks. We even spent the same semester abroad in Europe in 2001.

Are you from the same home town?
Yes, if you count from age 9 on. I lived in York my whole childhood, he joined up at age 9. Our parents all still live in York.

Who is smarter?
Um, Jesse. He's quick and has an intensely good memory and challenges himself with crossword puzzles and work as an electrical engineer/small business owner. I am a stay-at-home mom who never found her career life but knows a TON of stuff that, sadly, doesn't make me smart. Use it or lose it. Jesse was one of those kids that didn't have to study hard in high school and did his calculus homework in 20 minutes before class. I didn't take calculus.

Who is the most sensitive?
Let's see... me? I'm emotionally sensitive and certainly am the easy choice for this one. My mate, however, is actually very physically sensitive; can't sleep on planes, being sick really knocks him off his game, and he doesn't feel right if he doesn't shower.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Everywhere really casual. Valentine's Day was spent at a pub-style burger place in Somerville, and before that I can't remember where we went. Oh, York Harbor Inn, two months ago. We don't get out all that much.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
While we spent some time together in Prague (that's the furthest) we weren't a couple. The answer is: St. Martin, when I was pregnant.

Who has the craziest exes?
Me. Unfortunately. Glad that's over.

Who has the worst temper?
Me again. Jesse's pretty level-headed, but when he gets really mad, you know it. I snap and yell basically each time I get angry.

Who does the cooking?
Jesse does more of it. I can make some things but need a good recipe to follow. Jesse's creative and just all-around better at it, so he does more of it more regularly. We try to keep it even, but he usually does more.

Who is the neat-freak?
I'm neater, but not a neat-freak. I have a much lower threshold for mess.

Who is more stubborn?
Toughie. I honestly don't know.

Who hogs the bed?
When I'm pregnant, me by a landslide. I get big and need a bunch of pillows. If there can be a third option, it's Jonah. Kid sleeps perpendicularly to us if he ends up in our bed.

Who wakes up earlier?
Again, Jonah, ha ha. If there was no Jonah-- Okay, before there was Jonah, it was me. Now we kind of split morning duty but lately Jesse's been doing more Jonah-retrieval first thing.

Where was your first date?
um, did we have one? We went out to PJ O'Ryan's with friends, and then went to the Middle East with friends for a concert the next week. Our first solo night as a couple was spent cleaning my new apartment and eating Whole Foods take-away on the floor.

Who is more jealous?
Of what? I guess I'm more jealous at the fun Jesse has out of the house with his friends. I don't think he's jealous of anything. Except maybe that I feel the baby kicking before he can.

How long did it take to get serious?
About two weeks. Once we were together, that was kind of it.

Who eats more?
Me, without a doubt. Even not pregnant. I hope one day I can eat three squares and a snack like my husband, Slim. Until then, I just do what my stomach says.

Who does the laundry?
Me and me alone. If I send Jesse to the laundry room it is with very specific instructions about water temperature, which detergent, or what doesn't go in the dryer. It's really all me.

Who's better with the computer?
I yell at my computer when it's slow, and yell at Jesse when there's something wrong with the modem. Not me.

Who drives when you are together?
Jesse. He doesn't like how I drive, I don't think. But that doesn't stop me from backseat driving much more than he'd like. He wants to blindfold me or throw me out half the time.

In case you're wondering, yes, these answers were reviewed by my kind, sensitive, smart partner pictured above. You won't find these answered on his Facebook page, though. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Can You Come Again Next Week?

2009-02-19T18:27:00.006-05:00

I've been looking forward to today for weeks. Not because I found out the sex of my baby or had lunch with an old friend, but because I had a babysitter come over. For THREE WHOLE HOURS.

Rachel came for the first time since our initial meeting today, and was on time at 9:30. Jonah was instantly absorbed into having someone pay FULL attention to him and I went about my business, making sure that I didn't leave the house until I knew they were both comfortable. I had no reason to worry. Rachel has a very kind and engaging demeanor, and she impressed me by knowing that Thomas the train has train friends that are twins. Heavenly. She speaks train.

They read books, played with trains, explored Daddy's room, created a tunnel with a book and ran cars through it. I, on the other hand, scrubbed my bathtub, ran two loads of laundry and the dishwasher, vacuumed three rooms, and did some dishes. Then I approached them about whether they wanted to walk to the library together.

"Mama, you don't come?" was Jonah's expectant reply. EXCELLENT.

"No, Mama won't come. Just you and Rachel."

Satisfied, Jonah descended from his perch on the couch and turned to Rachel: "You like put on your coat?"

Alrighty. See you later, then. It was wonderful to see him happily taking to someone else, and they were off. When they returned from the library an hour and half later, his pants were wet up to the knee from jumping in puddles and he was deliciously tired.

I went out and did some child-free errands, returned to an empty house, and had a snack in quiet. Just the idea that I have the house to myself without a sleeping child in it is so... special. I love spending time with Jonah and also absolutely love me-time and the novelty of an independent morning.

I was considering the fact that I basically paid someone to make my day more conducive to completion of housework and drudgery. That's not very exciting, but the truth is that these days I just can't keep up. I'm tired, I don't feel great, and dishes are the last thing I want to do when I have downtime. So, in paying someone, I am creating the opportunity to push myself to be productive. I could alternatively pay someone to come and clean my house, but this works for me right now.

I am already looking forward to the next time Rachel comes and entertains Jonah. The unexpected side effect was that Jonah spent more time engaging in imaginative play this afternoon, with me, than he has in a long time. Maybe he needed Rachel as much as I did.

I'm A Little Teapot

2009-02-15T15:16:00.004-05:00

This morning I didn't have much going on and decided to head out to take care of a few errands on my own. I went to LLBean and used my promotional $10 gift card to pay for a pair of stripey Smartwool socks (YAY!), grabbed a smoothie, dropped by a toy shop, and then headed to the mall. I don't really like the mall, and I'm not really a shopper, but I had one destination in mind and after circling the full parking lot for way too long, I headed in.

While browsing during the holiday shopping rush I had popped into Teavana to see what my options were for brewing Red Raspberry Leaf Tea. The tea is supposed to be brewed for 20-30 minutes, covered. My current pathetic arrangement is to scoop some loose tea into an aggravating little tea ball, pour hot water over it into a mug, and cover it with an appetizer plate. Lovely. Really makes me feel pampered, especially because the app plate is an odd, curvy shape and has olive branches on it. Tea and olives don't mix.

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea is used during pregnancy as a uterine tonic and said to tone, strengthen, and prepare the uterus for childbirth. It is also touted as a tea that can shorten labor and prevent excessive bleeding. I don't know if it's all true but I drank it during my first pregnancy and had a brief, relatively easy labor and delivered Jonah naturally. So it's worth a shot this time around too, and I like to do things that are specifically for nourishing the pregnant body because it makes me feel a little better about all that I don't like about being pregnant.

Back to Teavana. I had seen lidded mugs and teacups in December, but of course the attractive, dark blue and brown ceramic one with the dragonfly was no longer in stock. Instead, gracing the shelves were delicate, white, porcelain teacups adorned with prim lotus flowers and daisies. Not quite what I had in mind for my daily cup. Another option was a plastic brewing mechanism where you pour in the hot water mingling with loose tea, brew, and then set it on top of your mug and drain it through the strainer. Wierd, and I really really don't like to mix plastic and hot liquids. I don't care if you tell me it's polycarbonate and BPA-free; I don't trust it.

I moved on to these cute little teapots made by Bee House. I was, of course, drawn to the most costly of them, and went for it. I'm talking about brewing tea in this thing at least once daily for the next 5 months. I think you should get the one you love when it's something you'll use every single day, and wash every. single. day. Now I brew my daily infusion in a grey-green crackle-finished ceramic tea pot that is the perfect size, and cute as well. Short and stout, if you will.

My Little Valentine

2009-02-14T21:36:00.003-05:00

Jonah lounged in the laundry basket atop clean, warm cloth diapers last night before bed. As he would say, "Happy Valentime's Day!" (by the way, photo at right was exactly one year ago)

Look What My Mom Made!!

2009-02-13T14:29:00.006-05:00

Mimi rocks. We have long known this fact, but now we are even more aware since she made Jonah the cutest pair of longies we've ever seen. Mimi's not an expert knitter, but she likes a challenge and boy, did these challenge her. They are made of wool and act not only as the cutest pants ever but also as a diaper cover. Wool is naturally antibacterial and absorbs 30% of it's weight in water before feeling wet, so it is a fabulous natural fiber barrier between a diaper and your hip. And aren't they just darling?!

I Miss My Jeans

2009-02-13T13:55:00.003-05:00

Maternity clothing shopping is not fun. Maybe if I was one of those women who keeps her svelte arms and legs, still looks like she has a waist, and just gets a big ole belly, I wouldn't mind so much. But that's not me. First of all, the svelte arms and legs thing wasn't really there in the first place. Secondly, I just kind of look swollen and kind of pregnant at this point. It's a challenging figure to dress. I tried on a shirt today that literally looked like I wrapped myself in a tube of fabric and sewed on arms. They need to have a series of What Not To Wear episodes devoted to moms-to-be.

I can accept the weight gain, even love my body, but someone needs to make a better line of maternity clothes. Shopping is so disorienting. Everywhere you shopped before doesn't fit, but those tent-y tops in the maternity stores don't work either. It's like becoming a man; you suddenly need to switch gears and find completely different stores and figure out which ones work. Not all pregnant women have the same style. I keep thinking there has to be some better shop out there where I can actually find what will work for me.

The most difficult item of clothing this time around has been jeans. As a stay-at-home mom, blue jeans are what I wear on a regular basis. I don't think not finding great jeans was a big deal when I was pregnant with Jonah because I was working, it was summer, and I just didn't need them like I do now. Oh, man, it's hard to get dressed with a weird body and no jeans that fit.

When this baby was just a glimmer in my eye I had decided that this next time around I would spare no expense on jeans. They are worn out like no item in my closet, and they need to fit, be comfortable, look great, and make me feel like a million bucks.

Heading out to shop for them was no small task. I went to the maternity boutique within Macy's, a Mimi Maternity shop. They had several different brands, designer and otherwise, and I grabbed an armful and headed for the dressing room with the help of a somewhat overly attentive young woman. I was hopeful. I was only about 12 weeks, but showing already and ready to get a pair of kick-ass comfy jeans. Instead, I tried on about 5 pair, none of them very cheap, and none of them really working for me. The salesgirl had the nerve to tell me that the pair I liked best seemed like they might not last the whole pregnancy because I'm only going to get bigger. "REALLY!?" I felt like yelling at her. I've been down this road before. I know big. I also know that the jeans I bought last time NEVER fit well, despite the fact that I gained upwards of 40lbs. I was still pulling them up at 36 weeks. I went home dejected, empty-handed, and annoyed. Nothing was good enough to buy with confidence, even the pair that Slim Sheila vetoed.

I have since ordered 3 pair of Gap Maternity jeans online, in two sizes, only to find that I'm smack between sizes. ARGH! I eventually caved and kept one of each size, but the bigger size is terrible and the smaller size certainly can't go in the dryer and probably won't fit over my hips in a month or two. I also bought two pair second-hand and dirt cheap, and they wouldn't have made the cut at full price, but they'll work now. That stack you see pictured are those that currently fit my expanding bum, and I worked hard to have that many choices.

I can only imagine what swimsuit shopping will be like. And tank tops? I better start doing push-ups. I am considering flying to Atlanta to visit family just because there is a maternity shop that I've browsed online that has two stores there. Might be worth it for a summer wardrobe.

Photo for the Liner Notes

2009-02-11T19:59:00.002-05:00

When we're at my parents' house, the new favorite spot is the basement. In the rock n' roll room there is a full drum kit in addition to microphones, amplifiers, electric and acoustic guitars, and bongos. The drums have become the attraction that thrills Jonah, and here he is taking a break after drumming with his grandfather. The serious expression and stance were completely unprompted, and I hope he includes this photo somewhere in his first album's art.

Another Reason Corn Syrup is Evil

2009-02-10T16:58:00.002-05:00

I try to keep our diets pretty healthy around here, but that doesn't always mean that we get all the servings of fruits and veggies we should or that we choose whole grain every time. One thing I do know: High-fructose corn syrup does not have a place in our pantry or refrigerator. Even my sweet-toothed husband agrees and steers clear of the stuff. There are several reasons to avoid HFCS in favor of more natural sweeteners, and here's another. It contains mercury.

Whether this winds up being another scary half-truth or a real scenario of money over health, it's still worth cutting this junk out of our diets for good. It has been said that your food choices are like a vote. If you buy local, fresh, organic, natural, then that's your vote. If you buy stuff from those middle aisles that sits for ages and is filled with preservatives, trans fats, and corn syrup, you are placing your vote for continuation of production of these products. Your choice.

Cute Cloth

2009-02-09T15:32:00.007-05:00

My latest (and fondest) mothering obsession is cloth diapers. We've been cloth diapering Jonah since he was five days old, and it's been it's own little journey. Sometimes we were more adamant about ditching disposables and sometimes we were weary on our cloth routine, but I've found new love in our current stash and am happy to say that one pack of 30 disposable diapers has lasted us over 2 months now.

I have a feeling that I'll soon embark on a multi-post explanation of modern cloth diapering options, but for now let me just share a couple of things I'm loving right now.

I am a devotee to Diaper Swappers, an online forum for cloth diaper info, buying and selling of diapers, and chatting about general parenting topics. I highly recommend joining up if you are considering cloth. Once I found DS and really got hunting, I found some great deals, some new options, and we found a great groove that's kept Jonah's bum rash-free, swathed in cloth at night, and cute as can be. There are so many lovely women out there who are moms that work from home and sew diapers by hand to sell online. Many are truly amazing at what they do, keeping new prints and designs coming regularly and selling out their weekly stock in minutes. Whenever I think about learning to sew and sewing our own diapers, I realize how well these women do it, how accessible they make it to us, and how much I love supporting them. For now, I'm just happy to get one cute dipe at a time in the mail.

Here's a new diaper that we picked up last week from Scuttlebutts, made by work-at-home-mom Jen Rosenberg. I adore the print, and it's soft and absorbent and fits Jonah great. Plus, it's a one-size fitted so it can be worn by our second babe from about 10lbs up.

Welcome Back, Again

2009-02-08T21:18:00.001-05:00

It has been several months since I've written, and the main reason for that is that I wasn't ready to share some things going on in my life just yet, so it felt strange to even return to this blog and type. Sort of dishonest by omission.

Here I am again, with new dedication to keeping updates about our family and my musings fresh and frequent.

First order of business: I'm pregnant! I'm now 15 weeks pregnant with our second child, and feeling, well, pregnant. We're very excited but surprised that it took us as long as it did to conceive this lil' lovebug, which is the biggest reason that I pulled away from writing. It's hard to struggle with something so private in a forum where you'd like to be open. Also, I couldn't get used to the idea of publicly declaring something before personally telling those in my life about it.

Anyway, things are going beautifully this time around, as with Jonah, but I'm a little sicker and a little more tired, and have been for longer. I'm ready to feel that great second trimester feeling where I realize, one day, that I'm not starving to the point of crisis and I have gone the entire day without remarking how sick my stomach feels. My energy level is pretty good in the morning, I tank in the afternoon, and by evening I'm lolling on the couch contemplating what, if anything, will make this heartburn/nausea/extreme fatigue subside.

Jesse has really taken on Jonah's evening routine, thank goodness. What a good man. I can't help but feel guilty and then I realize that this is what must happen in a balanced household: Daddy steps up to the plate with the older child so Mama can work on baby #2's needs, whether it's loafing around or stuffing her face or a nursing marathon. I still feel bad and hope to pick up some of that slack for awhile before this little cherub makes his or her entrance.

Jonah is talking a lot and I hope to post a video of some of that chatter sometime soon. He loves to talk and talk and talk and we usually love listening to it. Jonah has also entered that slightly disorienting stage where, at age two, a child goes from being loved up all the time to needing firm boundaries, constant reminders not to whine, and discipline that often leaves me wondering if I'm going to make things worse. It's tiring stuff. Just about every night, though, once he's been in bed for an hour or two, Jesse and I mimic him and start giggling with the impression of whatever he said that day. Today it will be: "My be bad?" which came after a talking-to about throwing toys, and was accompanied by him pushing furniture around. Translation: "I'm going to be bad now." All with an innocent look on his face. Talk about testing boundaries.

We are currently house hunting (again) and considering a move north of here... again. Jesse and I have reached our renting limits and while we love the town we live in, we're not willing to sacrifice square footage, acreage, a garage, and privacy just to stay here. Not to mention what all that sacrificing would cost. We're considering a few options now and aren't in a terrible hurry, but I hope to have news of a move before the end of spring (how's that for a vague deadline?).

One Happy Biker

2008-10-19T22:15:00.000-04:00

Learning to Talk

2008-10-19T16:48:00.003-04:00

Hi Blog-followers, if there even are any of you!

It has been quite a pathetically long time since I blogged. It's too bad because I really do think about this blog and consider things that I would like to write about, but I'm really terrible about following through. Part of the problem is that I've found a new online obsession: DiaperSwappers.com. Can you believe that I'm actually involved in an online community about cloth diapers? Wow, I guess it's not that weird if you know me, but it even surprises me a little bit. It's time to fess up, though: I'm a little obsessed with cloth diapering. There. I've said it and can move on. Maybe I'll post about that another time, but for now I just needed to put it out there!

Most interesting and talked about in our house these days is the acquisition of language by the littlest Remi. Jonah has been talking so much, and some of the baby words are now "real" words with nearly correct pronunciation. He says so many words that it would be impossible to count at this point. I want to take a minute to document a few of the more interesting words that have come and gone.

"KYE-cah": Fire Truck. Partly because J couldn't say "truck" at all, Kye cah was the obvious compound work. He now says it pretty close to correctly. He also says Pumper Truck, Ladder Truck, Fire Chief, Fire Station, Fire Fighter, and Fire Hydrant. And of course, Fire Hat.

"BeeYAH-Beeyoh": Water. I know, what the heck? Well, it's water now.

"Doi": Drink. His water, cup, etc. It was "Doi- Trah" for "drink with a straw," and now it's just drink, and I haven't heard him say "doi-trah" for awhile, so I'm not sure if that's the same. "Juice" is "doos," too.

"Byeah-byah": Banana. This one is hanging around... the last of the baby words that he still says the same way.

"Dah-dah": Jonah. Yes, it's true, Jonah says his name like most kids say "Daddy!" Just this week he's starting to occasionally say "Do-dyah," but not with a lot of consistency.

"Eh-loo-eh-loo": Elevator. Not exactly how it came out, but it was a funny one... Now he says it much like he says "excavator," which is something like "ex-cah-bay-tur."

"Mee": Please. So this was one of Jonah's signs that was a word early, but he STILL says it this way. Funny that "police car" is "mee car," probably because the word "police" comes out more like "pleece" when we say it, so it sounds the same to him.

more to come... I'm having a brain freeze.

Things that Jonah says to impress people:
Grasshopper
Excavator
Thank you, Mama/Daddy.
Happy Birthday______.
Daddy's car's broken/fixed. (an obsessive sentence about a month ago)

Milestones and Other Big Deals

2008-08-30T14:44:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile since I posted, and I don't have an update but do have a little of Jonah's past that I want to share. Here, in no particular order, are some things about Jonah's life so far that I want to remember.

First tooth: Teething began early and a tooth arrived much later. Jonah began to drool and gnaw on his fists at about three months, but the first two teeth (bottom middle, whatever they're called) emerged together at about 7.5 months old. Ever since, it seems we've been wiping droll and using teeth as an excuse for his frequent tempermental moments.

Sitting Up: A late sitter (and a late climber), Jonah sat unassisted at seven months.

First Food: Jonah had some cereal, avocado, and banana one week before he turned seven months. Before that it was strictly breastfeeding (and prune juice).

Rolling Over: Never one to choose favorites, Mama and Daddy weren't even in the room the first time Jonah rolled over. Mimi and Uncle Tristan witnessed said roll at about 3.5 months old. Next time I missed it again, but eventually I caught him.

Crawling/Standing: Jonah was very close to crawling when we went to Thompson Lake in July 2007, at 8 months. He pulled to a stand in his crib on July 20 for the first time, and wiggled all around the dining room on his belly the following week. At nine months old both pulling up and crawling were in full swing.

Loveys: No matter how hard we tried, Jonah was never interested in taking a real "lovey" to bed. We stuck all manner of soft and cuddly items in his crib hoping to foster an attachment, but no luck. Kitty, Baby, and Baby Bear are still recurring characters that he likes and knows, and he still has no need for anything specific in his crib at bedtime. Except his pillow, I guess.

Swaddling: Jonah was swaddled for sleep for months. We moved from blanket swaddle to a Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe Wrap because he grew so fast, and was really soothed by the swaddle. Since it was cold anyway and we'd do anything we could to get him to sleep a bit longer, we kept it up until around four months old and stopped with no ill effects.

Crib: Jonah didn't move to his own room and his crib until about five months old. In fact, his bed wasn't even fully operational until he was nearly three months. Before then, Jonah slept in his Mini Co-Sleeper Bassinet in our room. Believe it or not, Jesse had the hardest time of any of us with this transition.

Walking: Walking was a start-stop-start operation. Jonah took his first steps unassisted just before 13 months. A few setbacks including a major cold left him on his knees for another month. Jonah really took off just after he turned 14 months. He never really cruised like you see some tots doing, he just crawled, pulled up, and then started walking a bit later.

Talking: We're still working on this one! Now, at 22 months, Jonah is stringing a few words together into a "sentence." The first words started to come out (known mostly to his parents) at about 15 months. He signed around 15 words, but only about half of those on a regular basis. The talking quickly took over! Among the first words: Mama, Dada, cheese, ball, bus, car, peas, banana (byah-byah), and spoon (poon).

Jonah in his "Goggy"

2008-08-12T14:18:00.002-04:00

The Big Night Away

2008-08-12T14:04:00.002-04:00

Well, this weekend was it. The first time I left Jonah overnight came and went and we're all in one piece. Actually, I haven't even left him for more than a chunk of, say, 5 hours, and certainly not all during daytime hours. Mimi and Poppi and Jonah had a wonderful 26 hours together (aside from bedtime, but even that turned out alright in the end). Mom will have to put up her own post for accurate events on their end, but I can say that for the amount of times we checked in (okay, six!), things sounded great every other time.

We left at about 11:00 on Friday morning to head to Long Island, NY for a wedding, which is about a 4 hour drive without traffic, which is impossible. Anyway, after much preparation and nerves on my part, Jesse and I BOTH got in the car and waved goodbye and blew kisses and went on our way. Jesse has left Jonah overnight many times for work and fun, but even he was a little unsettled about it because whenever he leaves him, I'm there with Jonah. Of course my parents raised four children, have all their wits and more about them, and are more than capable, but it's just wierd when it's your kid. So Jonah did great on the goodbye, waving and yelling to us from the window. I guess it didn't phase him much, which was great. I was a little more phased. It's odd to know rationally and even be certain emotionally that it's safe, but still have some part of you that worries and itches for your child.

We had a lovely time overall, were up late, got up early, and generally did NOT treat this overnight like it was a getaway. I just couldn't hang around there and not be thinking about Jonah! I wasn't desperate or teary, I just longed for my kid. I think it will be easier next time, and if we aren't as far away. Knowing we still had to drive 5 hours or so made me less interested in dragging out the day.

We were welcomed home more easily than I thought: Jonah was napping when we came in, and about 40 minutes later he woke up and I went upstairs to get him from his crib. He fussed for about 10 seconds, then came down and was pleasant and happy to be around all four of us. Mimi and Poppi left and he was distracted by books so he wasn't confused or saddened by that, but talked about them quite a bit for the next day or two. All in all, a good first time away.

Now if we can only figure out when and where to go away for night number two! It better not take 21 more months, but I don't think I'm rushing to get away too soon, either. I love my little guy and my husband and just like it when we're all together.

Revenge of the Eye Teeth

2008-08-07T19:46:00.003-04:00

Our darling little 21-month-old recently started sleeping through the night. Oh, yes, you read that right. Well, I guess he was technically sleeping through the night long ago, if you go by what that means for infants: 5-6 hour stretches without waking. I mean REALLY sleeping, like 10 hours without a peep. He had been doing something like this that resulted in 9ish hours of sleep and a 4:30-5:30 wake-up time, but Jesse and I couldn't really bear to consider that our ultimate sleep fate, so I have refused to give in that that was the best it was gonna get.

Sure enough, about 3 weeks ago Jonah began sleeping from 7:45 or so until 6:00. Then 6:30. Then 6:45!! He even slept until 7 once, which blew us away. This was heaven.

Well, that's since been shot to pieces by the arrival of some very slow-moving eye teeth. Wow. Those suckers have got to be painful, because the agony that Jonah has put us through over the last week is the stuff of horror movies. He won't go to sleep. He won't even be put in his crib. Poor Jonah has been struggling with these guys for what seems like weeks, needing so much comforting to be put to sleep and fussy during the day. I feel so bad for him; it's obvious that it's teething that has his moods switching faster than you can say "ibuprofen."

So, we do indeed medicate the little guy, try to give him the comfort he needs (although sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants), and know that someday, before he goes to kindergarten, the teeth will be in and he will be sleeping through the night. FOR REAL.

Good Morning!

2008-08-05T19:47:00.001-04:00

I took this recently and only just now is it making its way to all of you. I've been a little stressed out lately and things like this are happening about 5 days behind when I mean them to.
Anyway, here's Jonah one morning recently in his "monkey shirt" pjs and playing with his beloved garbage truck and one of the many cars. Note the toe on the car; he still uses his feet for play quite a bit! I find it funny that this looks posed like he could be 4 or 5 years old.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2008-07-30T14:52:00.004-04:00

I love Pyrex. I considered buying some vintage Pyrex refrigerator dishes on Ebay to add to my collection of standard round bowls with plastic blue lids, but they seem like a luxurious storage item and have thus gone unpurchased. Seriously, I drool over the most mundane things! More Pyrex, please!

Another item of my affections that may seem odd is the cloth diaper. Actually, all things associated are contemplated often, too. I'm constantly on a quest to refine and perfect my stash of cloth dipes, and find myself thinking about what would be a great addition to it, or how I might improve a diaper. I consider different methods of washing and weigh pros and cons of potential new additions to my "collection." Yes, Jonah poops in them and you'd think that'd sour the whole thing, but I'm hooked. I'm such a sucker for a new category of consumption, and when it comes to Jonah's bum, well, I love to see it in a cute, colorful, stink-free, reusable diaper that I've lovingly washed and line-dried. My current favorites: Crickett's Diapers and Kushies Classics, and our workhorses, BumGenius One-Size Pocket Diapers.

We're getting quite interested in Children's Literature these days. This week we've already been to the library twice, and have spent literally hours reading picture books and ABC books. I'm starting to be more discerning about what I'll read to Jonah: I'm avoiding overly commercial books (Arthur, Thomas the Train) although there are exceptions. I don't enjoy reading books that are grammatically incorrect like Monkey and Me, since I think it takes quite a bit of reprogramming if a child learns this incorrectly (a bummer, because it's simply done and adorably illustrated). I'm also tired of reading the very dull Will Sheila Share? despite the fact that it seems Jonah is taking something from it.

This post is about favorites, though, and there are so many books that we are loving right now:

--The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle: Simple, full of animal sounds, and shows that a hard day's work is worthwhile.

--Potty! by Mylo Freeman: A very cute potty book that Jonah wants to read again and again.

--Love You Forever by Robert Munsch: Such a sweet book for Mothers and Sons, but really for anyone. I get all warm and fuzzy and weepy and Jonah sits through the whole thing.

--Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss: Unlike some Seuss books, it's not too long and isn't terrible to get through for either of us, even on the 15th read in 4 days.

--I Spy Little Numbers by Jean Marzollo, photos by Walter Wick: This board book was a favorite from the moment it entered the house. While the text can be a stretch, the photos engage Jonah (and me) for a long time as we point out and name object after object.

--ABC: A Child's First Alphabet Book by Alison Jay: I love the illustrations and the way one letter's page leads into the next. It doesn't get boring, but it's still wonderfully simple. I also just discovered that there is a board book that is the same title but different, so we'll definitely check that one out!

--Chewy Louie by Howie Schneider: A funny story about a pup who chews everything. Short, cute, and fun to read. Jonah loves the voices Jesse and I do for the trainers.

We went to Walden Pond recently and had the most idyllic morning playing in the sand and water. I love that this spot is about 20 minutes from our house, has walking trails, swimming, and just a very relaxing atmosphere. This is a definite place for a return visit this summer as a family. We just have to get there pretty early! Later this year it will also be lovely for a gentle autumn hike.

I only have a few pieces of baby gear that really spin my wheels, but the Ergo Baby Carrier is one of them. I secretly (or not-so-secretly) lust after the Beco Butterfly Baby Carrier, but as I've never tried one out, I can't tell you that it's better than the Ergo- just cuter. Anyway, the Ergo has been a can't-do-without item for me for a year now. We don't use it every single day, but we use it often enough that I can't imagine what we'd have done without it. I carry Jonah on my back most of the time, and it's great for a quick trip in and out of a store if we've travelled by car, great for a trip up the block to the library or coffee shop, terrific for longer strolls on stroller-unfriendly terrain, and phenomenal for shopping as it keeps us wheel-free and his hands close to me instead of everywhere else. We do have a BOB Revolution stroller that I also love dearly, so we can cover just about every situation with the two. The Ergo is great for apple picking, walks when Jonah needs a nap, hanging laundry, a quick trip down to the basement, a walk with packages or bags to the post office, heading onto a sandy beach, taking the T, or really, anywhere. I love it. Now that Jonah's walking it's not quite as essential, but it's still a well-loved carrier. By the way, Jonah weighs about 27 pounds and we still carry regularly.

This post was fun because let's face it: I'm pretty darned opinionated. That probably means there will be another someday.

Thought Deposit

2008-07-29T12:55:00.008-04:00

I just have to get out some things I've been pondering lately. Please excuse that jumble that follows, but none of it seems to be worthy of an entire post on its own (either that or I can't seem to write them as coherent, individual posts). So, here's a big thought deposit for you:

We've got Jonah's first overnight away from us coming up. Timing couldn't be better in some ways: He's currently sleeping from 7:30 to 6:30 each night, he can communicate many things he wants, and he's thrilled to spend time with people that aren't his parents. Still, the stress of preparing the house and myself and him for the overnight are weighing on my mind. Mimi and Poppi (my folks) will be caring for Jonah for an entire Friday into most of Saturday. We'll be apart for about 30 hours, I think, and they'll be here at our home. I think that he'll be great and that Jesse and I will be nervous and miss him a bunch. Little things like stocking easy favorite foods, explaining our babyproofing, and relating some finer points of our routine are just a few of the things that I'm thinking about. Thankfully my Mom arranged to take the Friday off to be here, and I'm really grateful they're able to do it!

So the house conversation is back on. We've taken a VERY long break from house-hunting and now we're just discussing our options. We haven't looked at any properties or even formally set any dates or numbers, but it's always interesting when Jesse and I talk about the future, our home, and our finances. I've married a man who doesn't really like to plan or make big purchases, so it's slow going. On my end, I dream about affording something I really like and can't make up my mind about our actual choices. It's not an easy chat, but it's a fascinating prospect!

For some reason at all hours of the day I think of things that I need to do/should have done while Jonah is/was napping. While he actually IS napping, I'm paralyzed. I eat lunch, I pick up, but I rarely tackle this perpetual to-do list. For some reason, I just can't even remember the stuff! Maybe it's self-preservation and I really should just veg out during his nap, but I doubt it. I should probably make a list so that I can easy reflect while he's napping and just cross stuff off of it. Like now... Should I be blogging or cleaning the kitchen floor? I guess I'll get to it, but it sure doesn't sound necessary when I have a nice quiet house.

On that topic, sleep is going very well at our house lately. I'm amazed what a later wake time for Jonah has meant for our household. We're slightly more organized, I'm less stressed out, and generally we're all just more chipper in the morning. Two hours (from 5 to 7 am, roughly) has made a world of difference in the way we all act and feel. Surprisingly for me, even the evenings are more relaxed. That's probably because I'm not hitting the wall of fatigue while still needing to pick up dinner dishes and fold laundry! I'm hopeful that it will continue and that the days of little (or less) sleep are behind us.

All Jonah wants to do these days is read books. I mean, have US read him books. It's a great problem to have, really, but yesterday we didn't really play outside at all! The morning was spent playing at the library and going to the store, then books and lunch and a nap, and then books and playing with Daddy and then dinner. Jonah did spend about a half hour in the backyard before dinner, but that's it. Shocking. I brought up the park several times but all he wanted to do was read Look! Snow! and The Doorbell Rang over and over again. As soon as he was up this morning, it was the same thing. It's great that he loves it so much, and I feel lucky to have cuddle time on the couch with him. Oh, and it has virtually eliminated the 45 minutes of Curious George that we used to watch each day. Another plus!

I've been looking into various types of schooling and discipline lately and am very interested in the next stages of Jonah's development. Soon he'll be talking in sentences, and he's soaking up everything around him like I've never seen before. It has me thinking about what I can do to best facilitate his development, what type of preschool to enroll in, and when. I definitely want to keep him at home for the next 9 months, and probably longer, but I see the value in two or three mornings a week in some sort of social/educational setting. I'll reevaluate many times between now and then, it's just something I'm thinking about. He may even stay home until he's 5; I want to be sure to research all options and avoid defaulting to anything.

Well, there you have it. I'm sure I'll expand on that last one in the coming days, but right now I've got to get to my little Deedee who has just awoken from his nap.

We Love Trucks (and motorcycles)

2008-07-19T13:53:00.001-04:00

Here's Jonah at Truck Day in Lexington. He sat on the Police motorcycle (a Harley) to his right and "drove" the fire truck you see in the background. It was about 93 degrees, humid, and we were in full sun, so he was wilting a little bit, but loved to see the vehicles up close.

Jonah's Friends

2008-07-19T13:41:00.001-04:00

These are 4 of the 5 kids in Jonah's regular playgroup.
Aren't they cute?!

A Day Without Daddy

2008-07-19T12:51:00.005-04:00

Well, Jesse's in California for our friend Phil's wedding, and it's already proving to be a long and difficult weekend. The little man is acting out and has been since we dropped Daddy off at the airport yesterday morning. I'm not going to pretend the two aren't related, but I've never seen this level of delinquency from Jonah before. Taken one at a time, I could see disregarding them as a trend and just discipline accordingly. But it's rapid-fire bad behavior! The understanding that I know Jonah has of certain rules, his comprehension of language, and his behavior following each offense lead me to believe that there is a great deal of it that is done purposefully.

Here's a rough sketch for your reading pleasure:

Friday, 10:00 am: Throws matchbox fire truck at my arm from his seat in the back of the car as I am driving. Learns about giving Mama a "boo-boo."

11:40 am: Throws banana at me from his seat in the back of the car as I am driving.

4:12 pm: Shrieks 40% of the way home from the store, despite my urging to sing or use his "nice voice." Oh, and yelling to stop didn't work either, for some reason.

5:16 pm: Throws himself on the floor because Mama's response time to his request for juice was not adequate.

5:24 pm: Grabs basketball out of Amira's hands. Hits Amira.

6:00 pm: Throws a tennis ball onto the dining room table and shatters a glass. Is scolded very firmly, reminded that throwing onto the table is a big no-no, and allowed to go back to playing.

6:06 pm: Throws another ball onto the dining room table. Mama goes nuts.

6:35 pm: Tosses beans, peas, and rice on the floor, but continues to eat.

7:07 pm: Squirms and pulls away in a drained bathtub when Mama tries to lift him out.

Saturday, 7:38 am: Wakes entire street screaming in resistance to being placed in stroller. Talked into submission by the prospect of seeing trucks and buses as we walk.

9:47 am: Pitches a spray bottle over the porch railing into the garden. Receives strong warnings not to throw things over the railing. Throws sunscreen over the railing.

10:08 am: Throws our upstairs neighbor's ball over our fence into backdoor neighbor's yard.

11:22 am: Despite repeated requests not to, continually steps on wooden peg puzzle.

11:40 am: Despite repeated requests not to, twists around in his booster seat so his legs are hanging over the side while munching on his grilled cheese.

11:43 am: Tosses grilled cheese overboard.

12:08 pm: Gently bites Mama's shoulder while crying in protest of napping. Mama nearly drop-kicks him into the crib. Mama keeps her cool and he falls asleep 5 minutes later.

Now that I look at this, alot of his acting out is throwing something not supposed to be thrown or where it shouldn't be thrown. Not that we haven't repeated these rules a million times. I know it's all age appropriate stuff, but it makes me feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing when it comes to discipline! Nothing's working! I'm hoping that I'm right that it's because Jesse is away, because if this continues, I'm going to send him to reform school.

Bathtime Discoveries

2008-07-08T12:49:00.003-04:00

Bathtime at our house has become much more fun, and more necessary than ever, lately. Recently we added some stacking cups and plastic bowls to the bath, and it seems ridiculous that they weren't always part of the mix! Jonah loves to pour water from one cup to another and onto himself, and sometimes comes up with some even sillier uses for the cups. Besides that, summer comes with not only skinned knees but so much dirt and sweat that sometimes I think we should bathe Jonah much earlier than his normal 6:50 bathtime. Boy, does he need it.

Two days ago I was wiping sand a grit off of my son's perfect, smooth skin and noticed a little dot on his right forearm. It looked like the dark sand that I had just picked off of his cheek, so I went to work, but it didn't budge. I looked closer- a freckle! It was just tiny and hardly noticeable, but babies have such clear skin and hairless, spotless bodies that after 20 months of looking at that same complexion, you notice any difference. It's very cute and cracks me up because he never stops showing me ways that he's just like me; I am freckled and spotted all up and down my arms and legs. Jonah has one other tiny spot on the underside of his thigh, a birthmark which was there from a very young age (only a few weeks old if not before). He's changing literally every single day and I fear that I can't keep up and won't remember all these little things. so here's one more on the record.

A Lovely Tune for All to Enjoy

2008-07-04T15:30:00.007-04:00

Jonah has become quite the musician, taking after his dear old dad (well, okay, and a bunch of other dear old family members). Here he is with a tribute to the United States of America in Celebration of Independence Day, 2008. Note the ceremonial hard hat that is typical of toddler boys when singing songs of reverence for their homeland. Our apologies for the press photo flashes during the performance. Jonah wrote this song himself, in case you were wondering.

Oh My Goodness, Oh My Goodness!

2008-06-30T19:49:00.000-04:00

Oh, wow. What a day. Jonah barely slept last night and proceeded to wake at 5 am, only to postpone his normal midday nap until 3:15. Good ole Mama got about 4 hours of broken sleep, so she was REALLY needing a nap, too. Oh My Goodness. It took so much effort to get the kid to sleep, including a 45-minute drive down Route 2 to Lincoln and back. During the drive I looked in the rear-view mirror and said, "Jonah, put your head down." Jonah leans back and puts his head against his car seat and proceeds to make fake snoring noises. "Honk-shoo, honk-shoo."

Currently the child is in his crib for the night after a pretty great late-afternoon, but oh, my goodness... I thought I was gonna lose it there for a minute.

Jonah's Turn

2008-06-27T15:39:00.003-04:00

Jonah is becoming increasingly aware of his ability to communicate. Today at the playground he wanted to use a steering wheel on a play structure. This steering wheel doesn't actually steer anything, it just is there for kids to play with; Jonah says he's driving the bus ("Buh!"). There are a couple of steering wheels on most of the play structures around here, and Jonah spends alot of his time there walking from one to the other, steering, honking, and fending off other kids from having turns. Anyway, a boy a bit older than Jonah was playing with the wheel, and Jonah tried to grab it from him. I made it clear that he was to ask for a turn and wait until the boy was finished, and he understood. He said "turn!" and when the boy realized, he walked off and let Jonah drive the bus.

I'm thrilled that this concept has been grasped! Even if he doesn't ask, at least he understands when I explain this after the fact.

Delirious Dinner

2008-06-20T20:29:00.000-04:00

Jonah had the hiccups at the dinner table and became sillier by the minute.

Now that the test is over...

2008-06-20T13:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, So we've figured out how to work this thing and we're off! That first post was written by Jesse as most can probably tell, but I think I can manage on my own now. I am anticipating some fun posts as Jonah approaches the end of his second year and this seems like a great place to chronicle some of his finer moments.

Our family of three has settled into a pretty fun rhythm of parents-and-toddler. We're still not sleeping as much as we'd like to, but the days are loads of fun since Jonah loves to play. Jonah is 19 months old and starting to talk, which is great because he's been opinionated for what seems like his whole life... he's always had a lot to say. Most recently it's "Nonononononono!" which I can tell you is usually accompanied by some sort of physical struggle. The child has a will of steel!

Monkey Plate Experiment EX:203316

2008-06-18T12:34:00.000-04:00

This is a test of the Emergency Monkey Plate Broadcast System. If this were an actual Monkey Plate Emergency, this message would be followed by specific instructions regarding what kind of presents Jonah wants you to buy for him.